#so when we find something fun for us to do its a damn problem. anyway i start my pole teacher training in September. fuck thwse niggas

[abnormallycreative]

.

[teeny-tiny-revenge]

It's home cinema manufacturing time! 🏴‍☠️ Gonna put my pirate show on my shelf! (I'm doing an Arts and Crafts Project and I'm making it everyone's problem.)

After seeing how much they cost, I abandoned the idea of getting a Blu-ray writer for now. For the time being, good old DVDs is what it's going to be! My TV is old and not very big, so DVD resolution is gonna be fine.

It's been ages since I last burned a DVD. For the full experience, I'm gonna create nice menus and pretty sleeves for the boxes. Graphic design is my passion! Um.

Well. First needed to find a program to do stuff with. I'm a Linux guy, so I'm using Devede. (Which is free, btw. In case someone else wants to do a low cost spot of putting pirate show on the shelf.)

DVDs fit a maximum of 120 minutes of video. So, four episodes, I thought. But after a quick attempt, the program refused to do more than three (maybe because of the menu also taking up space, and four episodes cutting pretty close to the 120 min mark?). Anyway, three episodes per disc it is. It's a pretty nice runtime for watching the entire disc, IMO. An hour and a half, and then you can return to reality to realise you should probably eat something, or go to bed because it's midnight.

OFMD with its current two seasons has a total of eighteen episodes, which is divisible by three. You get the following setup:

Disc 1: Pilot, A Damned Man, The Gentleman Pirate - That's pretty good, Stede's introduction to piracy all on one disc!

Disc 2: Discomfort in a Married State, The Best Revenge is Dressing Well, The Art of Fuckery - All bangers. Great to watch together, our boys meet and shenanigans happen!

Disc 3: This is Happening, We Gull Way Back, Act of Grace - Many romantic moments, lots of great scenes, shit hits the fan at the end there. Alright!

Disc 4: Wherever you go, there you are, Impossible Birds, Red Flags - ... Pain and angst! What have I done!?! The disc of horrors. Gotta make sure to have tissues at hand when I watch this. But hey, it also has messy bun Ed! Small mercies.

Disc 5: The Innkeeper, Fun and Games, The Curse of the Seafaring Life. - Another disc with all winners. I love all these episodes so much! (You can watch this disc to recover from the trauma of the previous one!) But seriously, this one slaps.

Disc 6: Calypso's Birthday, Man on Fire, Mermen - Great combination again. Season finale! Love and excitement!

... Honestly, except for the psychological damage of putting all the most painful episodes together, this is coming out pretty cool. Says a lot about how good the show is. I actually really love all the episodes (yes even the painful angsty episodes of massive depression). Thinking about this little project really reminded me how much I love this entire show.

So, we got a tracklist, now menus, then we can burn this stuff!

I did the menu backgrounds in GIMP. Realised I have a big folder full of screenshots I took myself, screenshots someone else took and posted on Tumblr, official promo pics for the show, and I have no idea anymore where most of them are from, because I named the files according to what's on them. Which is useful for when you want to find pics (Need a picture of cursed suit Stede? I have files named that, easy peasy!), but not so great if you wanted to give credit to whoever took a given pic you used. (It's probably @sherlockig or @ofmd-ann or @blakbonnet. Please feel credited, your beautiful screens and gifs brighten my day, and some of them are now probably part of my DVD menus. Shrunk down and cropped, but, yeah.)

I originally wanted to structure my menus as having the title of an episode, then some pics from it, then the next episode, then pics from that, and so forth, but I couldn't convince the program to give me the necessary padding between the menu items, so I ended up just putting the episode images below the menu. Still like it.

Anyway, DVD menus can also play sound! Behold a crappy video of my beautiful creation (provided entirely for sound):

It plays Gnossienne N°5!

More crappy pics of my other disc menus:

Gonna make them some nice sleeves next. Some day. Gotta make sure they all work properly first. So. I'll be on my sofa, watching my DVDs. With menus! (Edit: here are!)

[nogenderbee]

DAMN FINALLY REQUEST ARE OPEN!! Can I get the Astral Express crew with an extremely fatigue reader? I'm also really fatigue and I even struggle with going from point A to point B even if its like from my room to the kitchen.

Omg yes!!! So happy to do some Star Rail for a change!! Also help why do I relate- Like I'm trying to do silly little PJSK dances so my condition won't be this bad but omg it's still not great... But here it is! Hope you like it vodka <3

Also sorry for Himeko and Welt being a bit shorter-

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔽𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕘𝕦𝕖 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ March, Dan Heng, Himeko, Welt with fatigue!reader

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ fluff but can be read as platonic too!

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @miya-akane (not tagging you since you'll get notification either way)

✧ I feel like March would somehow relate to your problem... I know she had LOTS of energy in game but just listen to me!!

✧ she's not necessarily fatigue but she is a bit lazy after long adventure where walking around Express can be hard for her

✧ so she'll never make you walk and let you sit down whenever you need! If you're with others, she'll offer to wait for you even if they prefer to keep walking for whatever reason

✧ she also rambles or keeps the conversation going so you can forget about tiredness a bit and so the time passes quicker

✧ if you were getting into trouble by your condition, she definitely did protests-

✧ anyway, if you want to get your condition up, she definitely knows a lot of fun ways and will do her best to help you find something for you!

✧ when both of you are after adventure, you may as well be sitting in the same room, refusing to go out so someone has to bring you food so you won't starve yourselves-

"C'mon it's finally time to take a break from all this walking! I'm sure others can wait and we get to talk a bit more~"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Dan Heng wad actually a bit mean the first time you felt too tired to walk...

✧ he'd complain that you're slow and that you're just slacking him down but he quickly feels bad and depending on how close you are, he either offers to sit down for a bit or to carry you for a while!

✧ but don't get used to being carried as he'll do it for 5 minutes max and then he puts you back down so you can walk by yourself

✧ he's definitely getting softer as the time passes tho!

✧ he'd try to drag you out of your room as much as possible so you can get your condition up but if you're stubborn person and simply refuse to, he'll eventually give up

✧ definitely tried convincing you to get out with things like "if you won't get out you won't get dinner" but if you won't get out, he'll bring dinner to you in the end because he doesn't want you to starve...

✧ even tho you prefer to stay indoors, he won't usually stay with you as he does have to walk around as Trabilazer so there's a high chance of him not being by your side most of the time...

"C'mon hurry up already. I carried you literally 5 seconds ago, you can walk for at least 2 minutes..."

Why he so mean idk ToT he just seems like that

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Himeko would actually be caring towards you!! She'd try her best to understand if you don't want to move much

✧ she stays in Express for most of the time herself so she'll most likely be around you when others are gone exploring and so

✧ has no problem bringing you food, she just wants to make sure you stay healthy!

✧ but she does try to get your condition up by encouraging you to at least take small walk around Express with her and may even offer you your favorite sweet as treat for doing good job!

✧ she honestly is the type to not care much as long as you stay happy and healthy

✧ she often stays in the Express but if you'd want to go on adventure, she'll be more than happy to go with you!

✧ she's pretty supportive during it too, maybe she won't necessarily carry you but she sits down along you whenever you feel like taking a little break

"Hey, since others are gone walking around Jarilo VI, how about we take a small walk?"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

✧ Welt would most likely scold you for not taking care of yourself and explain how it's important for you to move at least once a day and so

✧ he'll still bring you food tho! Just be prepared for small scolding every time he enters...

✧ definitely tried getting you out of your room and even on expeditions by suggesting going to your favorite cafe on the way or so

✧ if he does manage to get you out for adventure, his scolding actually stops and he's pretty supportive!

✧ he'll let you rest whenever you need and even often drop some "I'm proud of you"s since he sees you're trying your best

✧ trust me when I say he'd love to carry you to help you out but I feel like he has a back of old men so he can't-

✧ instead he'll sit down with you whenever you need and maybe bring you some water or so to calm down

"You're doing a good job, don't give it up, alright? It's alright to take a break so ask for it whenever you need."

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[swampthingking]

I saw your post about jeremy paying off jeans debt to moriyamas and im screaming

OBVIOUSLY jean would not want that because he feels like hes just being bought by another person (but a more healed jean might not. Depends on when it happens tbh)

And omfg,,,, yeah jeremy is probably very rich since he has a butler and a personel chef (which I find are VERY expensive in america for some reason. Especially such good ones) his family even has connections to congressmen. So to think he could probably pay off the mafia is a bit exaggerated, and it would take millions (jeremys entire bank account probably)

And its so,,,,, UGH can you Imagine how it would go. Neil would probably have to be present to help handle it (neil is officially jeans agent to handle mafia business imo)

Amd jeremy being free would also cause and existential crisis. What was jean going to do with his life was jean now jeremys puppet would jeremy still be nice to him now that he has control over jean what does he want to do now.

It also raises the question of what jean would think of exy now that he isnt obligated to play it.

(Sorry this is a lot lol)

this became so much longer than i anticipated BUT

do not apologize I LOVE THIS

ok so. jean would definitely not want jeremy to buy his freedom.

because…what is ‘freedom.’

i think the jean now, that we’ve met after tsc1, would be fucking pissed if jeremy bought his freedom. i think he would not feel…safe? around jeremy? because— now that he owns me, he can do anything he wants to me. i think that it would put such a rift in the precarious trust they’ve built. even at the end of tsc, jean tells jeremy “i trust you” and immediately thinks i have no choice but to. and then is like wweeeeelllll that doesn’t exactly feel true though. so i think jeremy doing that would be like a ‘what the fuck, was not expecting that’ moment.

but jeremy. jeremy. we have seen that if he has the means to do something, he will do it. let me push away my familial issues and answer lucas’s call. do you feel safe with your brother? he would have picked lucas up. he would have found somewhere else for lucas to stay. i will focus on others’ problems so i do not have to face my own. i will be your partner. i will buy two twin beds and move into your room.

so, sorry, to backtrack: i think jean will eventually tell jeremy the full truth. i think jean won’t be able to stop himself, same with his other confessions—i didn’t ask. they didn’t know. jeremy asks the right questions with so much care that jean’s mouth starts moving before he thinks through what he’s supposed to say. jean subconsciously feeling safe enough to speak freely around jeremy, cat, and laila is a WHOLE other thing but i digress

and jeremy will go into “fix-it” mode. will call kevin with the idea. and kevin will be like “do not fucking do that” and i think neil will somehow get involved (especially if jeremy went through with it anyway. neil will go just to make sure jeremy does not, y’know, get fucking killed. also? how do you contact the mafia?). jean will also tell jeremy “do not fucking do that.” 1, because. this is the. this is the fucking mafia. they could absolutely kill you. they could say, “aaaah. yeah, you can buy jean’s freedom, but [insert damning terms that indebt you to us.]” and you can’t just…deny the mafia. it’s a suicide mission. and 2 because…jean doesn’t think he deserves it. he’ll think he’s not worthy of it. i don’t think he would be able to fathom the word ‘freedom.’ i think he would think of it, exactly like you said, as being bought. passed from one owner to the other.

and, if jeremy did it, he would reassure him. would be like “no you can make your own decisions. you can do what you want. you can change your major. you can play exy for fun or go pro by choice.”

and jean, i think, would just crumble. he obviously doesn’t like being owned (who does) but that’s all he’s had for 5 years. that’s all he has survived by. i am jean moreau. i belong to the moriyamas. imagine the mantra that has kept him alive for 5 years just…not being true anymore. he would be going from who am i without the ravens? to who am i without the moriyamas? like you said, what a fucking existential crisis.

i genuinely think it would fuck up their dynamic. i think jean would feel like he owes jeremy something. and jeremy would tell him he doesn’t. but i don’t think jeremy would quite…trust jean in a romantic sense. like, is he just initiating [romantic or sexual act] because he thinks he owes it to me? or even as a friendship, honestly. is he just agreeing to [friend activity] because he thinks he has no choice but to listen to me?

so jean wouldn’t be able to trust jeremy because he would feel owned, and that’s trauma baby. and jeremy wouldn’t be able to trust jean because he would feel like jean is, well, trauma responding. fawn, freeze. agree, acquiesce, repent.

so yeah it is grounds for LOTS of angst and … i’m having many thoughts.

maybe these thoughts would change after tsc2 comes out, but either way, i definitely do not see jean being particularly grateful or thankful. i see it as jean being like “you are a fucking idiot” and “why would you do that to yourself” and “why would you do that for me”

oh hey and imagine if they have the “what were you thinking, why would you do that” conversation and a love confession happens. and jeremy is like “bc i fucking??? love you??? [or something]” and like??? it would be so conflicting for them BOTH because jean [in the case that he does love jeremy back]: do i say i love you back. do i push him away for his own safety. but i don’t want to be ungrateful (and get punished), and jeremy: oh god. he’s going to think he needs to say it back. how will i know how he actually feels.

and i almost forgot about the money part of it ok—

yeah so i think the only way ichiru would accept jeremy’s deal was if they calculated how much a pro exy player’s salary and multiplied it by… let’s say a 10 year career? that would put jean at roughly 30ish when he retires? i think they would be like “ok, pay us for what we would have gotten for jean’s career.” (if they even entertained the thought).

dude i cannot even conceptualize how much money that would be. millions upon millions. and i guess jeremy could pay them in increments? but? idk. i did the math for like if jean made a million a year but my fucking brain. hurts. so i can’t get into that

but YEAH!!!

oh the angst. especially if jean said “there is no fucking way in hell you are doing that” and jeremy said “okay i won’t” and did it anyways …..

there’s also the thought that jeremy just…didn’t tell jean he had bought his freedom. if he just let jean live thinking he was cut loose. but then. the guilt jeremy would feel, keeping that information from him. jean has never been able to make his own decisions, and here he is, building a life for himself and not even knowing the real reason why he’s able to do so.

would they just be able to talk and move past it and rebuild that trust? would this be like some kind of fuckin shakespearean tragedy???

in this hc i just have to believe that they work past it and communicate because. holy shit this is messy

[turtlemagnum]

i think my first exposure to AI art might've been this video where somebody was testing out this new, weird thing where they automatically generate a song using AI, and i couldnt help but feel that it was an indictment of the modern music scene that a goddamn computer could effortlessly and accurately replicate the generic swill that passes for popular music nowadays. didnt have a vocalist synthesized yet but those have been becoming a thing too, or so i hear.

i saw a little article about how the newer generations of gamers are turning more and more to retro games. as somebody technically belonging to the "newer generations" this felt self evident, as frankly most of the gaming i do nowadays is almost invariably in an emulator. i think that to a certain extent, most of the best mainstream games that are going to be made already have been, at least for the forseeable future of major developers with games made scientifically perfect for milking you for the most money possible rather than as an art form. im sure it's all gonna collapse in on itself eventually, from what i hear some of the older folks who lived through more than i have we've been here before. hell, pretty much anybody who cares even a bit about gaming history knows first and foremost about the gaming crash of the early 80s, mostly spurred on by the temporal equivalent of modern cheap asset flip garbage that floods most stores these days. it's hard not to feel like we're about to see a massive crash yet again, with the ones inheriting the earth being the little fellas, and of course nintendo. which, makes sense, their earliest history is of weathering shit just like this, of course they'd know when to spot enshittification and stay clear of it. i'm in no way saying that nintendo is exempt of being a shitty corporation, but i will say that from a business standpoint they're one of the only ones i know of that actually seem to understand the idea of sustainability on a broad scale. hell of a lot better than the likes of activision, thats for damn sure. but back to what i was actually trying to get at before i adhd tangent'd, i think it makes a lot of sense that when the majority of the shit being put on the market is corporatist, design by comittee, prefab trash with aggressive monetization and a consistent attitude of fixing any problems in patches, it makes a hell of a lot of sense that we'd go back to our roots. NES mario is the same as its ever been, has been for over 30 years, and will be in another 30. you dont gotta worry about them patching it to make it actually function as advertised, or patching it from being something you enjoyed into something you hate, or having fomo marketing based microtransaction bullshit. the most that's gonna change is that every now and again, nintendo will make the only version they give not have flashing lights for epileptic folks, or patch out mike tyson because he sucks and replace him with a white guy, and the white guy's less hard but thats ok because it's still pretty hard, and either way it's a good game, fun, and you can still find the original on rom sites and also probably ebay if you dont have a vpn but do have a disposable income, so dont worry about it. getting sidetracked again, ANYWAYS-

what i wanted to get at is that i wonder if we're gonna see a similar resurgence in other old kinds of media just like, in general, for the mainstream. like why watch the 22nd reboot of ghost busters when the originals are right there. king crimson's still good, why dont you listen to them instead of bemoaning how your new favs are problematic, even though i dont think fripp can reclaim the fag slur (im gay, i can it's fine). i've recently been watching fist of the north star and original dragon ball, ilike the m. there are books. lots of those, actually,. you can read em! if you have the attention span. i honestly think we might be seeing more and more of this, now that im looking out for it. like i see just like, random people mention how much they like prog rock or 1930s dracula. relatively normals talk about how they like lemon demon these days. those stupid aestheticized classic anime accounts on twitter get sososo many likes. can you tell im sleep deprived writing this? i can, and im writing thjis. im writing this SO HARD. send poast.

[editorialsonlife]

15.10.23

Aaaaah where to even start at the moment.

The election last night sucked balls. I'm so deeply unimpressed and worried about the future of this country, and the fact that so many people think an individualistic capitalistic hellscape is the only way forward. We've lost sight of the fact that a rising tide lifts all boats, and I'm so worried about the future for our lower income, marginalised, already discriminated against people and what this outcome will mean for them ya know? It's incredibly rough and it's going to be incredibly interesting to see where the next few years lead us.

On a personal level.... it's been a month of chaos. I had a lovely weekend with a friend in sydney, started the antidepressants when I got home (which has been a whole trip that I will delve into more) and then in the same three days, my friend ended up in hospital and was airlifted to our bigger wellington hospital for emergency spinal surgery with a significantly high risk of becoming paraplegic or quadriplegic. It was a really insane, really stressful few days, but damn oh damn did we absolutely have a great time being in the same city again honestly. it was so good seeing her every day for like a week. She ended up having the emergency surgery which went well, but they've identified problems with just about every vertebrae and disk in her spine so that's not great. fortunately, she got quite a lot of function back after her surgery. She's still in for a long road of recovery, but given she was walking around a ward clutching my arm and could barely get 10 steps in before needing to sit she's done amazingly well. This is the girl I hike mountains with, we do yoga, we've done bootcamp and weightlifting and walks and everything in between and I am so terrified for her and her family. so stressful honestly.

That was a super great week to start tablets that make you more deperessed and anxious before they start working adn unfortuantely for me I've hit just about every common side effect and some of the obscure ones as well while I've been onboarding up to a full dose. I'm still not there three weeks in and I probably won't be for another three at the rate I'm going tbh but anyway.

I think it's also starting to sink in just quite how depressed I actually have been for a very long time and there's a bunch of self reckoning and grief that comes with that and its feeling like a whole thing at the moment. I also just cannot. CANNOT. Start things at the moment and it's the actual worst. if I have to deliver something for someone else then I can pull it together briefly (and v last minute) but I cannot get anything done for myself or if there's no impending deadline and all I can say is this better fucking pass really quickly coz I'm not about this life it's incredibly hard to manage.

I also just... do not know who I am anymore or what I like or what I do for fun? All my weekend friends have left and Dave is such a homebody and now I just don't do anything in the weekends? I have no one to go on walks with or get coffee with and its a really weird thing to deal with? I have a load of friends but with Lynaire and Larissa gone, and Shelley constantly in Auckland it's all just completely shifted? I don't like it and I need to do something about it. I also don't know what I do for fun anymore or just for me and I need to find some things like asap.

One of the v interesting things to come out of the Sydney trip tho is that the friend I was visiting is SUCH a gym person and counts macros and gyms every day and even tho I'm like 40kg overweight I absolutely had more endurance than her. We were doing like 20-25,000 steps a day and she was so cooked by the end of it but I still had the energy to go for a swim etc and go for an evening stroll. So I guess there's that even if I am horrendously fat right now.

I dunno what this govt change is gunna do for jobs but I'm finding that a weird thought. I don't know what I'll do for work when I move to palmy or if I wanna retrain or something. Will be weird. who knows. I honestly can't picture anything before T swift in feb next year. the future is just so unknown right now so I guess that'll just keep rolling. time will tell and we'll meet it when it gets here.

that about sums it all up really?

[thegeminisage]

im FINALLY playing zelda again and exploring gerudo town a bit...

YOOOO I CAN DRINK A NOBLE PURSUIT...LINK IS FINALLY 21...............

damn i didnt have to get my own ice or anything lol

tbh. i kind of liked it better when u could crossdress. pretty much EVERY npc has to go out of their way to make it weird that link is here? which i guess it is so it should be? but if we're talking about making him androgynous so anyone of any gender can enjoy playing him...this space reminds you constantly that you are a man. idk. is this less transphobic??? i'm not a trans woman so i can't like Speak On It but to me it feels like it's just a different flavor of bad. a better solution might be to let us cross dress if we wanted to but also still have access if we weren't. then there's no Evil Invasion of Women's Spaces By Predator stereotype but also u can be a girl as a treat if you like

but i have problems with this "girls-only" race of people having their entire culture and identity revolve around men anyway. whereas gorons are all boys and they don't think about gender at all. I Wonder Why That Is. nintendo wrote themselves into a problematic corner here and they're not going to get out of it by being cowards!!!

ANYWAY.

holy shit lol apparently gerudo sleep SUPER deeply and it contributes to them all being so tall and muscley <3 that explanation is such bullshit i fucking love it. and then they need less and less sleep as they get older...

man i wish that was me.

weird, it's still all purple and misty in the secret shop

oh my god SAND BOOT GUY IS STILL HERE???? he's hiding over the secret shop lmao

i think i've got redead ptsd. i saw a couple of voltrfruit cacti out in the distance and froze like a prey animal

anyway it's great the town is back on track and i wanna do ALLLL the sidequests here but...i need my low stakes exploration rn. i think i should unlock the last great fairy now that i don't need to worry about avoiding any part of the map

wait first i see zelda. time to shoot my gf :(

so i warped to the skyview tower and pikango is here?? what even is his purpose in this game...

huh. a light dragon's talon can HEAL when attached to a weapon?? wtf...

lol do i beat bokoblins with it and they get better

omg wait you can just pluck spine shards from her back...no arrows needed...this is nuts

eugh i see an ice gleeok from here. no thank you

its so fun that she goes clockwise around the map. time, time, time

you can see so much cool stuff from up here. i'm really glad totk added that you could ride them bc i feel like if i had more patience i could get such a lovely tour of hyrule from on zelda's back specifically, since she makes the whole circuit...like this game is genuinely beautiful and this is such a wonderful way to enjoy that beauty. and spend time with my gf.

i just wish i could like browse my menu or check my map or something WHILE MOVING...in other cases i would be livid if the game kept going while i was "paused" but i hate that fooling around makes the game's clock stop so if you're say waiting ten minutes for the dragojn to glow again you really do just have to wait

also. i never noticed glowing or lackthereof when the dragons were ready again. i may be unobservant lol

SO many shrines spotted from here btw. foolproof shrine finding method

ok, she DEFINITELY looks like she's glowing (her spines anyway) but nothing happens when i shoot her horns...is light dragon horn not a thing??

google says it's a thing.

oh no wait THERE it is. ok. now that i've seen it yeah thats a huge difference

luckily i'm quite close to that last great fairy now. thanks for the ride babygirl :(

briefly tempted by the fountain from one of link's memories below, near satori mountain...ultimately decided not to go bc theres not gonna be anything but a korok seed. just a little totk gripe

dark link armor to night sprint! i miss people getting jumpscared by it though :(

oh wait they ARE getting scared...weh thats so nice

ok, i have to take a break to do stuff :/ i wanna dot he stable quest!!!!! soon..............

[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, MARCH 31, 2007 It used to be that I could at least count on not having to listen to the canal dog’s shit late at night, but not anymore. I honestly don’t see how the hell the owners can sleep through these late-night barking fits. Obviously, they’re scared of someone in particular or just the world in general and this is a guard dog. Why else would they keep it out there to make such a racket and basically ignore it?

But this is how it’s going to be everywhere I live, so why can’t I just get used to it? I simply wasn’t meant to live anywhere quiet. The bamboos and horseshoe may’ve curbed the neighbor curse, but the dog curse is still the same problem it’s always been since moving out west.

I exchanged emails with Denise again, and yes, I am getting the Hermione Granger doll for $100. She’s regularly $120 - $150. She’s going to send an invoice tomorrow and the doll will go out Monday. I mentioned moving to Sacramento and she said she’s a little over an hour north and would love to see me in her store. So would I, but with no less than $300 at hand, and that doesn’t look promising. But this is the difference between Tom and I. I’ve smartened up, and being the psychic that I am who knows what’s in her cards money-wise, she knows better than to get her hopes up for money. Yet sadly, Tom’s still vulnerable and gullible to God’s joy of playing with his head. He loves to tease us with money, that’s for sure. Almost as much as He likes to keep us living where we don’t want to live!

I’m wondering two things about my weight. One, perhaps I have maxed after all. I’ve been eating more than I should for nearly half a year now yet I’m still in the 130s. But since I have been in the 130s for a while, this brings me to another thing I’m wondering, and that’s whether or not my metabolism may’ve reached another turning point in its life. Maybe the 130s will be the new norm for the next decade instead of the 120s. It makes sense too, considering the fact that we gain a pound a year after gaining the initial 20-40 pounds most of us gain when we hit our 30s.

Again I had a dream about being a movie extra. Only instead of having to swim around in a huge pool, they actually had me say something, so I was a little more than an extra. I remember talking to some guy in his office who asked if I’d had any acting experience. I said I’d never acted professionally or had any training, but those who know me agree that acting is my best ability, and I agree as well. He said something about not cutting my hair and losing some weight. Then I asked how often rehearsals would be and he said once a week. I remember being a little worried, knowing that while I could keep a biweekly schedule, I was unsure as to whether or not I could keep a weekly schedule. I must’ve had some confidence in myself because I didn’t say anything about it. I simply took my script, whatever that was, and left the room.

When I woke up I wondered if there was a message in these dreams. I’ll have to research the subject some more because it does seem like a fun thing to do. On the other hand, God doesn’t like me doing what I like to do, so I’m sure that if I had to work it’d be because we were so damn broke that I had no choice, in which case I’d do something more dependable like housekeeping.

They have sweeps for winning roles as extras or bit-parts. I just entered to win a die-on role in a sci-fi movie.

THURSDAY, MARCH 29, 2007 Emilie arrived today, and when I saw that Esme wasn’t with her, I began to worry. To describe Emilie first, she wears a white bodysuit with jeans, a gold belt, gold sandals, and diamond earrings. It’s a bitch getting things like shoes on without glasses as my eyes are getting so damn bad! I miss my old eyes big time!

Anyway, when I got up this evening, there was a message from Esme’s seller saying they tore their store and warehouse apart, but could not find her. Then they made me a few offers to make it up to me. This turns out to be a good thing because I’ve been wanting this doll from the Harry Potter series - Hermione Granger. She’s more expensive at $125, but I’m hoping she won’t be much extra with the discount they’ve offered if I want a more expensive doll. Tom said not to worry about additional costs; whatever it is we’ll pay. I’m waiting to hear back from them which I figure won’t be until tomorrow. I could actually thank Esme for hiding. Esme was nice, but Hermione’s way nicer! She not only has nice hair and a nice face and a gorgeous gown of lavender, violet and magenta, but she’s sculpted differently than most Tonner dolls. She has detail around the neck area and more realistic hands. I’ve been wanting her big time ever since I saw better pictures of her at the same site I was to get Esme from.

I’m also stealing 7 hardcover books by mail since we’re moving soon and I could use some new books. Not just to read, but for credit at a used bookstore down there. Only Jodi S didn’t order them, Jodina S did.

Lastly, we made a small Yves Rocher order because they were having good deals. One of the free gifts included an umbrella that he needs. His old ugly black one broke, so soon he’ll have a nice new sky blue one. I got mostly samplers for myself so I could get more for the money. I got mostly perfumes, shower gels and lotions, as well as sparkling pink lipstick and some incense. Not surprising, I suppose since I just love the stuff, even though I still have a ton of incense left.

The weather’s warming up a bit again, and although it’s still freezing at night, I’m still finding baby spiders in here. I guess they’ve made up their minds that it’s their time to rule and no amount of cold is going to put their lights back out till next fall. I’m just glad we won’t be here!

I sent Paula a letter, but as usual, I don’t expect one in return. Just messages to call her so she can make sure she’s not even there to answer.

Tonight I won a $30 stainless steel coffee thermos in an instant, and he got a shirt in the mail.

TUESDAY, MARCH 27, 2007 Oregon’s back to being how it usually is – cold. We even had some rain and a dusting of snow. The good in it is that it’s killed any spiders that were born recently and kept things quieter. It’s been too cold to sit at this computer late at night. When I can’t get this room up to 70º all I want to do is dive under my comforter with a book. It’ll be back up in the 60s in just a couple of days.

I got sick of sleeping with the mask so I darkened this room up again. It’ll still be ideal for motels. Just 65 days left here!

I won Tom an Arby’s gift certificate which is his favorite fast food place like mine is KFC.

SATURDAY, MARCH 24, 2007 Paula called and of course we had to play yet another round of hopeless phone tag. Justin said she was with some friend named Joanne.

If we really do split on June 1st, then we now have 69, almost 68 days left here. All I’m going to miss are the summers and the lack of blacks in this place!

I’m not going to have a damn bit of a problem with leaving this place messy and dirty either. Not just to make them work for our $450 deposit, but because they should’ve had the decency to pay to move us when they sent us that bitch and her dog. We specifically said “no dogs,” and “no obvious noise sources,” and while they may’ve had no choice since the laws favor people like that while we don’t have any noise protection rights of any kind, they could’ve at least paid to move us. Either that or give us a discount on the first month here. I’m just worried about what God will put us with in Sacramento. Will it be blacks? Mexicans? Both? I just hope to hell they don’t go giving them yet more rights! Especially about being called racial slurs cuz they’ll take advantage of that one big time and call the pigs on anyone that pisses them off, claiming they called them a racial slur. The pigs will automatically side with them, too.

Although I still haven’t heard anything, I did see the dog across the street a few days ago. I wonder what they’ve been doing to keep it quiet when they let it out. I wish someone would do something about the fucking canal dog, but while the neighbor curse may be lifted, the dog curse is definitely not. The question is, did the bamboos and or the horseshoe have a hand in protecting us from bad neighbors here? Or are these neighbors just a fluke? I’d need a few more neighbors to say for sure, but right now I’d have to say it’s a fluke and that we’ll go right back to having to live with the same loud, rude and obnoxious assholes that just can’t shut up for one minute. While whites may make bad neighbors too, because most people are rude, inconsiderate and hard up for attention, the minorities are by far the worst. They simply cannot stand to be ignored and will do everything and anything to get in people’s faces and let them know they exist.

When I sent Ashton-Drake a message asking what was taking so long with the exchange for Tiny Miracle Jasmine, they replied saying they hadn’t received the cats back that I returned, but for the sake of client relations, they would credit our card. This was nice to know. I had them cancel Jasmine, though, saying that we’d be moving in 8-10 weeks, right around the time they expect her in from the manufacturer, and I don’t want any delivery mix-ups. I said I’d place a new order sometime in the future from the new place. Instead, I got a basic Esme doll on eBay from a place in Chico which is in NorCal. She should arrive around the time Emilie arrives from Arkansas.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21, 2007 Got my incense from the stickman. The dumb cock still has himself set up to reject email or else I’d have gotten my top choices that he’s been too lazy to put on his list. Instead, I got some secondary choices, but the stuff’s still good, and he gave me 75 sticks rather than 50.

Tom was nice enough to let me order a doll with his $50 winning ticket. I went to order my first Marley doll which is Tyler’s little 12” sister, but they were sold out of the basic one I wanted, and so were other sites, so I’m getting the NYC Ballet basic brunette. She’s a little more, though, at $64, but we’re going to be so broke for so long that I’m determined to live it up while I can. This is an Emilie sculpt, one I don’t have yet. She wears her hair in a ponytail and is in a long-sleeved jersey with jeans and sandals. She has a gold chain belt and earrings, too.

Last night I won 5,000 points at Netwinner and am now just over 20,000 points. With 5,000 more points, I could get a $25 Walmart card, but I’d rather wait and accumulate 100,000 points so I can get a $100 card. Besides, these cards take many weeks to get and I don’t want to get one here that may not get forwarded. I want to wait until we get moved and get a new address.

SUNDAY, MARCH 18, 2007 I slept with the mask last night and it wasn’t too uncomfortable. It’ll be ideal for motels. Tom would drive me crazy with the TV flickering when I’d be trying to sleep, and with opening and closing the door when the sun was shining right on it, so next time around I’ll be able to block that out. If only sound was as easy to block as light is!

Four years with the Iraqi war and what have we got to show for it? Too many damn Iraqis still standing!

He won $40 on one scratch ticket and $50 on another, but TUT’s still a bust. I don’t think it’ll make a difference because you can’t make be what isn’t meant to be, but Tom wants to try doing a money spell together. He thinks doing it together would make a difference since we did do the one in the duplex together and that one seemed to stop one unusually bad thing after another from happening to us, along with the help of the bamboos. The upcoming move will be the real test as far as that spell goes, along with the bamboos. We’re going to be jobless and homeless again, and he’s going to be making half of what he makes here in a place that’s twice as expensive. Can the spell and plants help protect us against an evil God determined as hell to see us suffer??? Or will we lose everything this time around and be stuck in the past, living in dumps with neighbors who can’t shut up, using upside-down boxes as furniture, scraping pennies, etc.? Could God hate us that much? Yeah, He could. It’s sad but true. We start over, we start to get ahead, He kicks us back. The question is just how far back He’ll be wanting to kick us this time. Meanwhile, He’ll continue to bless our families with more and more money and luxuries, never letting them get the tiniest taste of what it’s like to have to do without. Hell, we don’t even have a fucking refrigerator right now!

SATURDAY, MARCH 17, 2007 It’s 70º out there now and the stereos are maddening. I almost wish it would cool down again just to shut them up till we have to deal with that shit year-round in California. Mostly, though, I don’t want it warming up too soon while we’re in such a dump of a house that’s so open to spiders.

Tom got me a foam mask to sleep with so I could brighten up the bedroom in order to have the bamboos in here. Because I left the darkening shades up behind the blinds for privacy, the room’s still a bit gloomy till the afternoon sun hits the side of the house.

I emailed drugstore.com and they said they do deliver Claritin to California, so that means it is over the counter there. So 4 months after we get there they’ll make it a prescription drug. Either way, we’re down to just 76 days or less to go till we get outa here!

TUESDAY, MARCH 13, 2007 Two good things happened today, and two not-so-good things happened as well.

The good thing was that I hit 3 instants in a row even though I forgot to bring the bamboos in here. They’re nothing special, though. Just a disc case, a PSP movie we don’t have a PSP PlayStation to play on, and a $20 Office Max gift card. The gift card would be nice to get, but I don’t care about the case or movie.

The other good thing is that although he’s only up $7, he bet on 9 races and two scratched and the other 6 all won. He would’ve won all but one had he been here to change his bets on the two that scratched. We’re still a long way from being able to bet big, but I’d rather the slow way than no way.

The bamboo’s energy seems to linger a day or two after they’re moved away since Tom didn’t start doing bad the instant I moved them out of his room, and I won the instants today. But they do start with their wonderful influence the instant you bring them back! Tomorrow I’ve got to remember to bring them in here before I hit the dailies. I still don’t see us ever getting rich, but if I can turn CDs and T-shirts into bigger wins, and if he can gain a few bucks a day rather than lose a few a day, then that’s certainly better than nothing.

The first bad thing is that they made him work overtime, and you know how much he hates his job. We walked to the store and got some of the usual things, as well as this caramel-flavored Pepsi that just came out. It’s pretty good.

The second bad thing is that Randy’s gone. Someone else delivered today and I asked if it was Randy’s day off and the guy said he was gone. I said that was too bad and the guy said that while a lot of people liked him on this route, he’s gone to another route. Also, he didn’t know who the new regular would be, but that someone would bid on it. Having once worked at the post office, along with his brother David, Tom explained to me that he probably didn’t know he was switching routes until today, which would explain why Randy never mentioned it. I’d think he’d have said something about it if he knew it was coming. Tom said he probably bid on an easier route that wasn’t so hilly, but that they don’t post the new route openings until they’re actually available, and of course, those who have been at the PO longer get first dibs. I wonder why he’d have bid on this route in the first place. Maybe they begged and pleaded with him to take it. I just hope whoever the new person is doesn’t fuck up before we leave.

It’s a real bummer. All the good people leave! The only difference between the 3 people that will always stand out in my mind when I think of Oregon (there’s been 1 for each year spent here) is that Jane liked me, I liked Liz, and Randy was a way cool friend. They’ll definitely be the top 3 highlights of Oregon. The druggie waitress falling all over me, the hot-looking cashier I wished would fall over me, and the jolly old mailman.

MONDAY, MARCH 12, 2007 The weather’s been incredible! I know the spiders are waking up, though, just by all the shiny screen decorations I’ve been seeing. It hit 69º yesterday and right now it’s already 58º yet it’s just barely after noon. I was able to sleep without heat last night and as of two hours ago, the gas heater shut off for the day. Ah, to be saving money this early in the year! I just hope we don’t need to put the AC in before we go, though I don’t think this warm spell will last. After all, it is still only March and this is still Klamath Falls. It’s going to be insanely noisy in a few hours!

Maricopa’s to be 89º today; too hot. Sacramento’s to be 81º, and of course Springfield won’t get over 56º.

Someone left in a car I’ve never seen before from the side next door, though there wasn’t any music. I’m a little worried that the warmth will bring out the worst in them, so I’ll just be glad we don’t have much time left here and that the dog across the street has been gone. That’s a first too, as they don’t usually leave before we do.

Tom and I both agree that my sweep wins have gone down lately and so have his horse wins. After thinking about it, it hit me that this is the way it’s been since none of the bamboos have been by our monitors. I figured they’d do good things for us no matter what room they were in, and although I still know we’ll never get rich, I put two by my monitor and two by his. They definitely seem to help us more the closer they are to us, and the more the merrier, so we’re going to get more as soon as we can once we’re moved.

Another pattern we’ve noticed is that his racing days seem to start off good, then he ends up behind towards the end of the day after he’s bet on about 15-20 races. It’s like EFO can only predict so many winners at a time before it starts fucking up. Again, I know God won’t let him succeed, but it will still be interesting to see the outcome of today’s 9 races that he bet on with the bamboos close by.

His shoulder was acting up last night before I put the bamboos by his monitor. Not long afterward, the pain subsided.

It’s amazing how a plant can put out such good vibes! How can it do that without a brain, I wonder? I also wonder if there are plants that do just the opposite and curse people. Well, if there are, I know I’d never want one! I’m only keeping the bamboos in here while I sleep, then I return them to the living room. It’s just that the bedroom’s too dark to keep them in here. Tom’s going to pick me up a sleep mask I’ve been wanting anyway. If that’s not too uncomfortable to sleep with, then I can brighten the bedroom. I do like bright sunny rooms when I’m not sleeping anyway.

Later…

It’s too soon to say that putting the bamboos back made a difference, but instead of EFO losing two days in a row, it broke even today. His shoulder’s been ok today so far, too.

Well, I can’t say I’m attracted to Randy, but there’s something about him. He’s just so way cool. In the end, it’s him I’ll miss the most. If someone had told me that when I left Oregon, it’d be the mailman I’d miss the most, I’d have laughed royally.

With the weather being so much nicer I sat out and waited for him when I saw him across the street. He said something about my sitting out waiting for him. Either it was “surprising” or “nice” that I was waiting for him. I think it was “nice.” Then I teased him by saying that I heard it was to be 120º this weekend. He first said he thought I was nicer than that, then said he couldn’t take that and that the summers here are almost too hot for him.

SUNDAY, MARCH 11, 2007 The clocks went ahead early this year because of that global warming thing. Today’s to be in the mid-60s. All the snow has melted and I hope to hell I never have to see it again! It’s never gotten this warm this fast here. I love it except for the bugs that are starting to come out, and of course our little attention-getters are enjoying it immensely. And also, of course, no one will do a damn thing about it.

Tom got me this shampoo by Herbal Essence that straightens hair. I’m amazed at how much straighter it is. It’s not as straight as Liz’s hair was, but it is noticeably straighter. The only thing I don’t like is that it’s a bit frizzier, too. Before I had been using their shampoo that smoothes and does a good job as well.

I’ve really come to dig Randy, our mailman. He’s a very friendly dude that’s become sort of like a friend to me. I hope we have a mailman as cool as him when we move. I teased him by saying that he better watch out because the post office may transfer him to Arizona, and he looked horrified at that idea. He can’t take the heat and so he likes this climate. I wondered for a moment if he even liked me, but nah. I’m 41 and fat and guys are pretty picky about that. I can see myself digging him if I were single and straight. He’s tall and skinny, though he is older. I first thought he was in his 60s, but I think he may be in his late 40s or early 50s. I’ve nicknamed him Batman because of the cape he wore the other day when it rained. It did look sort of funny, though not in a bad way. Tom said he once delivered where he works and someone laughed at the way he was dressed. Then someone else said to be nice to him because he’s a Jehovah’s Witness. They’re the ones that believe those of the right religion will one day be resurrected to forever live a perfect life on earth while those of the wrong religion will simply stay dead. The sun ain’t gonna burn forever, though, so that sort of shoots down that theory, doesn’t it?

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 7, 2007 I’m swinging onto days which sucks. I like it better on nights when I can go into the kitchen without getting barked at. What’s really going to suck about living attached to others again, since it’s just like being in a separate room of a big rooming house or something, is that I’m going to want to be up at night when it’s quieter, yet it’ll be too noisy to sleep during the daytime. That’s how it was in the duplex the last 4 months we were there, and I’m sure it’ll be that way again soon, making this house seem like it had been oh-so remote. But I won’t miss this microscopic shoebox of a dump either!

I’ve been trying not to think about how much I miss our old house and all the space around it. I don’t miss Arizona or the shitty life we had down there, but I sure miss being in a newer place on acreage. I’ve been feeling so much like a lost soul lately. This must be what they mean when they speak of lost souls that can’t quite make it to the other side. I just want to go home, but there is no home for me!

Sure enough, we couldn’t order the Claritin because Oregon is one of the states they can’t ship it to. It may be an over-the-counter thing in California, but so what if it is? They’d just change that after I started using it again. I’m so fucking sick of living a life that belongs to the government or God! Now Washington wants to ban “boos” from high school sports, that’s how controlling this country is. Next thing you know you’re not even going to be allowed to say “hello.” It’s ok, though, I don’t mind staying big. It may not be as easy to get around with all this weight, but it’s all I’ve known for years now and it will help when some asshole that can’t shut up in the apartments is stupid enough to shove me like Bonny did or threaten me like Barbara did. I prefer peace, but it’s going to feel so good to be able to do what I so stupidly didn’t do for various reasons the last time I dealt with people like Bonny, Barbara and Nancy. I’m going to love seeing their looks of utter shock when they see that yes, someone shorter than them really can and will fight back, and maybe it’ll protect someone else in the future. Of course, it’ll be me defending myself, so God will see to it that I get subpoenaed for it. Ah, but this time I won’t be playing court with anybody! There are so many people I wish I hadn’t cowered down to that I know I would and could hurt if I had been like I am today when they threatened me, but maybe God was actually doing me a favor by having me be a wimp for a while. Yes, the accumulation of threats made me more aggressive and angrier, but think of how many jail sentences I’d have served by now before I stopped answering to court calls! But things are different now, and like I said, I’d prefer for people not to provoke me in any way, but as soon as one does I’ll be ready for them, male or female, and I don’t have to be a big tough guy myself. All I need is good, quick reflexes and one hell of a temper, and I’ve got these things. I also get mad a lot easier than I get scared, so submissiveness is something they won’t get from me. That fury, along with speed, eye contact and blows to their faces and necks should be enough to do the trick as long as no one shoots me, clubs me on the head from behind when I least expect it, or is much heavier and pins me. I’m also willing to be hurt as well. I’ll have to as no one can slam their fist into someone’s face as hard as I’ll need to and not get their hand messed up.

SATURDAY, MARCH 3, 2007 Got the rest of my incense today and they did a great job. So it took just over 6 weeks. Not bad with the way they broke it up and sent a little at a time. I’ve had to wait longer for less with Incense Galore.

I also got my first good win in a while. It’s a Swiffer wet/dry mop and it does a great job of cleaning hairs off of floors. It’s way quicker than vacuuming. Hairy floors tend to be hard to vacuum anyway cuz the exhaust from the vacuum blows the hairs around.

We still have a lot of snow. Too much for next door to be driving in and out beside the house, but it’s starting to melt as a warming trend begins to move through.

FRIDAY, MARCH 2, 2007 The damn snow never ends! It’s supposed to be back in the 50s in a few days, so I hope some of the shit melts then. It’s been so cold that I can’t get this room over 65º. The stereos have been somewhat limited, but the canal dog just gets worse and worse each month. I still can’t believe no one complains, if not about the racket, then about it being left outside in such horrible weather.

Well, my naïvely and unrealistically optimistic husband doesn’t think so, but I think they’re going to start him off at minimum wage or very close to it. One almost always has to start at the bottom and work their way up anyhow. Every job he’s ever gotten since I’ve known him was that way, and I don’t see why he thinks it’d be different this time. Ah, but I’m going to beat God at His own game this time around and refuse to give in to poverty by sitting on my ass and just accepting it! I may have no choice but to accept that we’ll never get rich, but this time, instead of struggling our asses off and giving Him a good laugh while we’re at it, I’m determined to get work housekeeping at a motel or hotel near wherever we live. I don’t like the idea of being demoted to where I was 20 years ago – housekeeping and living in an apartment, but if that’s what I have to do to supplement our income, so be it. I’ll just have to remember not to let myself get caught up on my sleep on my days off because that’s how I get all messed up. If I can’t catch up by going to sleep earlier, then I obviously wasn’t as tired as I thought. Remembering how it was when I was in school, then at the Harley Hotel, I can say that it usually took me until the afternoon to wake up. I’ll miss being home and I’ll be exhausted, but why sit at home, listen to all the noise around me, and worry about where our next meal is to come from? Or simply that we won’t have a penny left for us after the expenses are paid.

One thing I know I won’t do this time around is take people’s shit like I did at the Harley, but part of that was my fault for being social like I was back in those days. This is why I’d like to go for housekeeping; because it’s easy to get hired for and you usually don’t have to deal with as many people. At the Harley, I’d see others at lunch and on the morning and afternoon cigarette breaks. Well, I don’t smoke now so that only leaves lunch. Meanwhile, I’m not going to play the games people love to play. I’m not going to discuss personal matters that aren’t anyone’s business. I’m not going to debate politics. I’m not going to be involved in any pranks. And I’m not going to mix business with pleasure. At least not in the ways I used to.

Robo makes sweeping so much faster that I should still be able to do that as well. The point is that together we shouldn’t be making much less than 2 Gs a month, so even if the cheapest 1-bedroom apartment is $600, we shouldn’t have just a few hundred bucks left over to worry about how we’re going to make last the month once the rent’s paid for.

I just hope Tom’s right in assuming we could get a place on Unemployment in the first place. I would think most places would want you to have a job. I’m just not sure if I want an apartment or a motel since these are our only choices. They both have their pros and cons. With an apartment, you wouldn’t have to worry about pesky housekeepers, but people don’t usually bring their stereos, or their 6 grandkids, or their 16 siblings to motels. Either one would suck, but this is all our lovely God feels we deserve.

I’m torn between wishing I could accept the life I don’t want, which is all that’s in store for me, and wishing I could get up the nerve to kill myself. I only haven’t because of Tom, but when I think of our bleak future and read headlines about how New York wants to make it a crime to say the N-word, while an Australian judge ruled that it’s perfectly ok to make gay slurs like a radio broadcaster did, and how only gay-bashers are protected by the bullshit freedom of speech laws, I don’t want to live in such a world as this. I not only thought I couldn’t hate God any more than I do today, but I thought I couldn’t hate people more than I do either. They’re just so backward! I hate almost everything about everyone. There are just so few accepting, non-controlling people out there. Everybody’s got zero tolerance for everybody else, and everybody’s so damn determined to change people, too! The world is just too twisted a place for me. Why have “freedom of speech” laws if some of us can’t say what we want? If they can slur us, why can’t we slur them? Instead, if we get slurred on the job or wherever we’re on our own with absolutely no protection whatsoever.

I think the fact that most of them are still broke goes to show that it is indeed their choice. Especially since job discrimination is virtually non-existent these days. If anything, it’s discriminative in their favor, so Tom better hope some “minority” isn’t applying for the same job he is since he’d never get it. Not even if he were the one who was more qualified.

I see the tables turning within the next few decades the more blacks steal our rights. The more rights we lose on account of them, and the more the laws favor them, the more fed up we’re going to eventually get, and someday we’ll riot and fight back just like they did. It may be the wrong way to fight back, but it’s perfectly understandable, too. The more people are shit on, the more they want to attack, not caring if the person’s innocent or not and didn’t do a damn thing to them personally. So the more rights they get protecting them from even a simple and silly thing such as a dirty look while we’re left to fend for ourselves when they shit on us at a time they know they legally can, I’m sure there are a future white Rodney King and black Reginald Denny waiting to set a similar example, only it’ll be white against black instead of black against white.

I can understand some of their warped behavior, believe it or not. Hey, if I were suddenly a rich, famous black person or a judge, I just may kill someone that pissed me off too, if I knew I could get away with it. Why stand around and argue or try to reason with them if I could simply shoot them? If you give someone the role of God, they’re going to gladly play it!

[unholyxvoid]

back with another late response again. wow, mental health sure does something to you, huh? but anyways, in response to our previous conversation:

still trying to work up to the whole being known and seen thing. still am deciding to stay on anon for a bit longer! hope that’s alright to do.

yeah, it’s funny to me too knowing his source and all. it’s just funny that it’s a yapper. it’s silly more or less to me. i also get that feeling! i often get telepathy kinda in what people want to say, or i get the general feelings but not exactly the words, so it takes a minute to work through the words. we don’t have that many nonverbal headmates or anything, but i think our general autism has some effect on verbal communication or communication at all.

no, i get what you mean! i always find it super interesting to compare experiences with others that have this disorder. it’s all fascinating, and plus you find ways you aren’t as alone in it. i haven’t ever really either talked to anyone about pdid specifically, just the did spectrum as a whole, the system experience as a whole. it was be nice to talk about eventually more in depth once we dm, but that time will have its place in the future! (i mean this lightheartedly)

that’s also not my problem, thank you for offering that though. it’s very sweet and it’s appreciated. thank you for being considerate. it goes a long way. <3 (again, this is meant lightheartedly)

new thing i wanna say: your black hole posting is making me look at it sideways and be like “damn, maybe that’s me too.” because i always forget i can be/am just things sometimes. we are also pretty nonhuman, which i personally have recently come to the realization of. so it’s just not exactly a thing on my mind of that i am all these different “weird” things. and that’s fun! i will look into it more but i definitely could be black hole. feels very me. though, this could be our vessel talking as well. it is not human in any sense of the word. been very nonhuman around here lately!

i’m not sure what else to add to this or talk about, i’m rambling a lot, so feel free to ask me/us questions or anything. we’re pretty open about anything. we’ll also communicate if we’re not comfortable answering something too, we won’t have hard feelings about it either. just an offer that you guys can take at any time (or not).

anyways! i hope you are doing alright.

-maw 🪽

you can stay on anon for as long as youd like , i love getting nice anons like this . it very rarely happens so its pretty exciting when it does

theres only a few of us here and iv seems to be the only mostly nonverbal one so far . at some point we had vessel appearances and he talked but he hasnt been around in months , only like twice at the beginning and then vanished so i dont really count him as a headmate or anything . then again our newest headmate which i havent really mentioned here at all due to not knowing shit besides their name and vibe also has not yet said a word nor have they really made themselves too known , i just know theyre around

yeah id love to see in what ways were similar or different , because weve mostly only had did or osdd experiences to compare to , rarely actually pdid and im so glad theres a few pdid blogs around now even though theyre not super active

im a black hole in the way that i am literally just the void , anything darkness related and that does include black holes which im especially connected to sometimes . would love to help you figure that out if you ever need help with it . and same yeah we pretty much have no humans here , all of us are either demons or demon adjacent , with the exception of the newest dude which seems to be an angel ?? idk lmao

i think ill probably get questions as we continue talking bc if i try to come up with shit on the spot when im told to ask questions i just blank and go braindead and forget what the fuck a question even is 🥹

also sorry if this is kinda messy and if i forgot anything were at work and like half dissociated so yeah fun times ig hskdhdk

[storylocke]

Alolan Dusk 5

[Aether Paradise certainly is making headway, but there's still a lot to do before reaching their destination. For Gladion, it's hard to believe it could still be so far to land when they can already see the southern tip of Ula'ula entering the map. Strange in a way, wasn't it? To feel like coming home when the mansion was just a short stroll away. Maybe it would take another day or so at their current speed. He should let Lillie know. ...If he could ever get Colress out of his office.]

Colress:

[Flipping through the folder he found as he brims with curiosity.] Ultra Megalopolis had to seal Necrozma away in a massive tower, didn't they? Lusamine took it to mean we should help them to fight it, but I wonder if what the Ultra Recon Squad were after was our technological ability to store large creatures and objects in a much smaller space. 

Gladion:

If we could somehow capture it, we wouldn't need this mass emigration we're working on. 

Colress:

Only if we could do both. While we still have plenty to learn about the Shadows, they're the ones the people are fleeing from lately. Now, I don't suppose the Ultra Recon Squad left any physical information about Necrozma before leaving us. I know they spoke about this "Blinding One" as if it were some sort of god, and seeing the havoc it's caused in Alola, I dare to say it may even be stronger than our own. 

Gladion:

You want the full story? 

Colress:

Oh, yes, I need to know everything. [Takes Gladion's swivel chair at the desk as he quickly starts to tap on the device on his wrist. Ready to take notes.] 

Gladion:

[Tch. He'd read over these pages so many times while trying to make sense of this mess, he feels confident he could tell him everything from memory. ...But he’s not in the mood and unlocks one of the bottom drawers on the desk to reveal folder after folder of photocopied texts.] Take your pick. Dulse’s word on how Necrozma went from being treated as a god to a menace in their world. Notes on Alola’s legends of how Solgaleo's coming here was likely from trying to escape Necrozma’s wrath. Notes on how the legends of both worlds match up to show some larger event between the two lead to Necrozma being sealed away. My father’s theories on how several of the smaller worlds in Ultra Space may have been a single world at some point that was literally torn apart. And Mother’s thoughts on how Necrozma’s rampant creation of Ultra Wormholes could have been the cause of that, reducing a previously recorded world called Auricanty to just Ultra Megalopolis. Or maybe, if Father was right, Megalopolis is the only one we're aware of. There’s also quite a few of my notes, but I’m not sure I’d call myself qualified as any type of expert. Especially when it's starting to feel like I'm the only one of our resistance group who's never seen the damn thing.

Colress:

[That'll be fun to read through then. A bit thoughtful at something Gladion mentioned] Auricanty… I believe I've heard that name somewhere before. 

Gladion:

[Thoughtfully] Possibly. Zossie once said she had a feeling that their people had been Trainers like us at some point, but, after capturing Necrozma, the people drew close to the tower as the sole source of energy. And having access to such power, they must have become complacent with their technology and had no need to ever explore beyond the city’s borders. Of course, if my mother was right, then there wasn’t anything left to find outside the city anyway. The problem in either case is we'd still have to weaken it before we could capture it. And, given the number of Shadows, I think it's safe to say many have already tried and failed. I almost wonder if Necrozma has somehow gotten stronger now than when it first left Megalopolis. [Crosses arms with an air of suspicion as he leans back on the desk to look up at Colress] Didn't you make some infernal device that was supposed to restore Necrozma to its full power?

Colress:

Correct. I was given the task by Madam President herself since part of the plan to stop it from coming here was to try to restore it to its original form. And I succeeded~! To an extent. The twin devices only serve as a temporary solution since you can give Necrozma the burst of light it needs, but it can't sustain its original form very long outside of battle. 

Gladion:

[Uh...huh. Dark tone] And what ever happened to those devices?

Employee:

[Runs in] Mr. President! 

Gladion:

[Sighs with restrained frustration] Can it wait?

Employee:

I… I don't know. I don't think so. We've detected a small vessel heading our way, and it's not answering our calls. Looks like a private cruiser, but we want orders for how to proceed. 

Gladion:

[Gives an uneasy glance at Colress.]

Colress:

[Seems to be sparkling with intrigue when he notices the president's gaze] Hm? If you'd like to investigate, I've got plenty to read here before you return.

Gladion:

In your own room, please. Go. [Shuts the folders and moves the stack to the researcher's arms. Presses a button to radio the control room while the man is being escorted out.] We're taking a boat to try to meet the unidentified unit before allowing it into the bay. I need you all to keep watch and be ready for any new instructions. [To the Employee] I'm going with you.

=+=

[Lillie quietly slips into the hospital wing to see for herself what all of the news was about. The Employees were in a bit of a tizzy today, and frankly, she was no exception. A halfhearted smile crosses her lips as she spots Gladion towards the end of the line of beds, though it wasn’t hard since the room was thankfully mostly unoccupied for the time being. Her tread begins to slow as she approaches, seeing her brother thoroughly engrossed as he flips through a passport book.]

Gladion:

[Finally looks up before she reaches them and snaps the book shut.] Ah! What are you doing here?

Lillie:

Word travels fast around here. I… I really needed to talk to you. [Nervously glances at the bed. The young man looks familiar in a way, though it's hard to tell through the IV tubes, the breathing mask, and the bandages. She scolds herself in her mind not to stare. Deep breath] I… Um… Since we were getting so close to the islands now, I thought I might, you know, give Professor Burnet a call to tell her we might be able to anchor by tomorrow. [Shakes head] She said our timing couldn’t have been worse. Something terrible has happened. Some kind of accident at the lab, [adds quickly] not her lab, Kukui's. You know that storm we had earlier this week? It seems it kept on north and eventually hit Alola the other day. And apparently Kukui called to say he was going to stay the night on Melemele to be safe… but then… they found the Pokemon Lab in a complete wreck! And she didn't want to worry me before, but since we’re so close, she knew I had to find out... [shakes head again as it was impossible to imagine.] They're starting to think there was some kind of foul play. They haven't found any sign of him anywhere, so she hoped, maybe with us being so close, he might have tried to come this way, because… … … [She glances again at the bed, though she already knows it can’t be him*] I heard you and some others went to meet a ship that was heading towards us… and I hoped…

Gladion:

I'm sorry, I hadn't heard anything about that. [Knowing how the pair had been like a second family to her, he really has no words to help her at the moment. In fact, the grim news only made his own findings all the worse.] I'm glad you're here though. [Hands her the passport he found, opened up to the first page.] He's the only one we found on board. It says he's a member of the E.I.A. branch of the Interpol, so his name here is probably some alias, but you've been keeping in touch with them. Maybe you could recognize him or remember something that would help identify him. If not, I'm sure the agency will be able to tell with the informa-

Lillie:

[There's a soft hitch in her throat as she stares at the photo, then to the bed, and back again. He was different than she remembered, sure, but the picture of their guest cleaned up and well dressed made it so much harder to deny.] It's… It's Ilima! He was a Captain while we were there, remember? I'd be surprised if you never met since he seemed to be involved with everything. Helping with the school, and the police, and Kahuna Quips, and… and Professor Kukui… and… [Her hands start shaking as she gets more choked up] Was Ilima at Melemele when he…?

Gladion:

… … …Come here. [Moves the bundle of clothes on the seat next to him to the floor and eases her into the chair.] The doctor said Ilima is going to be okay. I'm not gonna lie. He was in really bad shape when we found him, and we need to keep an eye on him for a while, but he should make a full recovery. [She nods softly and looks down at her hands in her lap. He kneels down and places a hand on hers.] Now, are you going to be okay? [He feels her tighten up as he's sure she's debating how to respond.] If you need to stay here, you can. We both knew it was going to be hard coming back here, but you and I had very different experiences in Alola. [Somberly as he closes his eyes] Just about anyone I cared for is long gone now. But you still have a lot of connections that... they may not be there anymore. I wouldn't be upset if you wanted me to go alone. 

Lillie:

I can't ask you to do that.

Gladion:

You wouldn't have to. All of your friends will get here eventually, so it only makes sense that you should be here to make them feel welcome. 

Lillie:

I know… [Hands him back the passport] But Alola is still a big place. And, um… I'm not sure a lot of people trust Aether after all that's happened. Even this mess is partially our fault. I need to be there. [Braces herself as she can just about imagine it already.] I need to see Quips and Burnet and… And I need to see the damage for myself. [Nods in a bit of determination, even as she still looks to be on the verge of tears] I'll be alright, I promise. We're a lot stronger than when we left. I'm all grown up now. 

Gladion:

Just as long as you don't act like Mother and force yourself to keep up appearances. [Rises to his feet again and goes to gather up the clothes to take with them. Might as well have them cleaned for when their guest woke up.] You don't have to make a decision now, you know, since we're not leaving right this second. [There comes a small clatter on the floor and he pauses to look at the bundle in hand. Something had dropped out of the vest pocket, a small black stick with several colorful buttons on it. He stares at it, half wondering if he'd drop more trying to pick it up.]

Lillie:

[She's got it. Cracks a bit of a smile] Ilima really likes his electronics. I wouldn't even be surprised if there's more they missed in all of those pockets. [Curiously stares at it as she notices a tiny window screen. It's simply flashing an error message. Presses a button and it starts scrolling a message that it's full.] Some kind of storage device, I think?

Gladion:

Given his line of work, I think we'd better look at that in my office.

~~~~~~~~~

A/N: These two have definitely been through a lot over the years, I almost feel bad. Unfortunately, as we move between Ultra Sun and Randomized Ultra Moon in this, even while things only get weirder from here. Speaking of weird runs, even if only a name drop here, Auricanty was from our playthrough of Pokemon Ultra which is certainly a hack that exists. Yup.

Archive

[theunquenchablethirst]

Joyride (Jerome X Reader)

Smut, NSFW, 18+, porn without plot, honestly just hot, nasty filth 

Do not read unless you are a deviant!

Reader is walking home down a street she knows just like the back of her hand, but today there's an unfamiliar car parked up. Paying it no mind she continues past it, but soon discovers today is not going to be any regular day when a sinister voice calls to her from the mysterious car behind her.

Vaginal fingering, blowjobs, rough sex, semi-public sex, car sex, bondage, chocking, spanking, dom/sub undertones, dub-con, strong language, murder, kidnap

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED

Masterlist

I walked that street nearly every day, to and from Gotham High. I had for years. This would be my last year as I was 18 and about to graduate.

Everything seemed as normal as ever. The pretzel cart, the lady that walked her little dog, the kids playing jump rope. A fairly quiet street. I didn't know it then, but that day would be anything, but normal.

I was approaching the end of the street where I would cross the road. There was a car parked up I hadn't seen before. Big, black with tinted windows. I didn't pay it much attention and wasn't hesitant to carry on my walk past it. I reached the end of the street and stood waiting for the traffic to quiet so I could cross over, then behind me I heard the familiar sound of a car window winding down.

"Hey, princess." A sinister voice called.

I turned to look and peering out of the black car window was him. The most dangerous, most wanted man in Gotham city. Jerome Valeska.

I'd only seen him on the news and in papers before, but even then, he had scared me. He'd brought the city to its knees and left a trail of bodies and madness wherever he went. And now he was right in front of me.  

"Can I give you a ride?" He asked with his signature smile plastered on his scarred face, voice dripping with menace.

I froze still. I wanted to run as fast as I could, but his stare glued me to my spot.

"Come on, doll. I'll be nice."

I took a step back, weighing the risk of making a run for it. He sucked his teeth and looked down for something.

"I'd offer you candy, but uh..." He pulled a gun up to the window and pointed it at me.

"... Something tells me I won't need to." His smile somehow grew bigger as he locked his eyes on mine.

My heart was beating so loud I thought the whole city would be able to hear it. I had no choice. Knees weak, I nervously walked around to the passenger side door and opened it. I sat in the seat next to him, but pressed myself as close to the window as I could. I wanted to be as far away from him as possible, even if it was only by a few inches.  

"Ah, safety first. Seatbelt." He said dropping his smile and cocking his head.

Not caring weather or not he was joking, I pulled down the belt and buckled myself in. I did not want to make him angry. He grinned eerily and panic rose in my chest as his eyes burned holes in me.  

He reached a gloved hand out to my face. I flinched as he brushed a stray lock of hair behind my ear and stroked his knuckles down my jaw line and neck. His hand moved lower still down my arm, only stopping when he got to my shaking hand. I was grasping my bag so tightly my knuckles had turned white. He tugged at it a few times wanting me to let go. I released the bag and he pulled it off my lap and into his.

"Let's see what we got here."

He started to rummage through my possessions pulling each one out, mostly dubbing them boring and dumping them out of the window.

"Pain killers, boring. Pencil case, extra boring. Ooh, Jolly Ranchers! Don't mind if I do!"

He popped a sweet in his mouth, threw the rest over his shoulder into the back seat and got back to snooping.

"Keys, boring. Oh! A diary! I'll save that for later! A can of mace...."

He paused then let out a loud cackle as he held the mace.

"Oh, princess! Bet you wish you'd switched this out for a gun right about now!" He continued to giggle as he dived a hand back in.

"Aha! Phone!" He dropped my bag back in my lap and opened up my flip phone.

"You won't be needing this." He smirked and snapped it, letting the two halves fall and disappear under the driver's seat. Dread began to settle in as it dawned upon me that I now had no way to call for help and my mace was lying in the street. Not that it would've been much use against him anyway.

"Ok! Let's get this party started!" His giggled as he turned the key in the ignition. He turned towards me and revved the engine.

"Vroom, vroom." He mocked.

I sat there clutching my bag, waiting for the car to start moving. He fiddled with the gear stick and then slammed his foot down on the pedal as if there was a deadly bug that needed to be squashed. The tyres screeched like they were taking a layer of tarmac with them and he took off like a boy racer.  

I let out a scream as the sudden, fast pace sent a shockwave right through me. I sent my hands searching for something, anything to hold on to. There was a turn coming up, but I noticed it too late and I was flung into the side of the door like a ragdoll. All the time the loudest noise in my ear was maniacal laughter coming from Jerome in driver's seat. He was driving like he stole it, but then again, it was entirely possible he did.

"More?" He looked at me with a mischievously.

I shook my head, breathlessly, praying to any god that was listening that he actually cared about my answer.

"I think more." He sharply turned into an empty car park and spun around and around and around. I was pressed right up against him as I clung to the bottom of my seat. He laughed and banged his hand on the wheel, continuing to spin us around.

"You stupid son of a bitch!" I screamed forgetting myself.  

"Oh, I love 'em with fire!" He laughed again.  

Then all of a sudden, he stopped. I jolted forwards like a crash dummy so hard I thought I would hit the windshield. He'd been right about the seatbelt. I stared straight ahead and tried to catch my breath, when I heard angry shouting. An employee of the restaurant that owned the car park was making his way over to us with a red face.

Jerome stuck his head out of the window.

"What's that, pal?"  

I heard more shouting.

"Ok." Jerome reached for the gun and shot the employee straight in the head. I gasped at the sound and he fell down like a sack of bricks.

"Problem solved." Jerome grinned and pocketed the gun.

I felt my stomach turn. I'd just seen a murder right in front of me. That poor man. Jerome started the car again and left the car park, where he'd left a dead body and certainly tyre tracks.

"Some fun, eh kid?" He smiled at me. I couldn't find any words to reply. He sighed.

"I hate awkward silences." He reached down and turned on the radio. He flicked through a few channels until he found one playing music he seemed to like. An old rock station.

"Now this is better!" He looked at me with a satisfied smile, but dropped it when I still didn't reply.

"How do I get you to talk? Do I gotta drop a quarter in ya?" He turned another corner onto a straight, quiet road.

"I know." He smirked with a menacing look in his eyes.  

He pushed the pedal down, once again picking up speed. He was driving like there was money on it, but I'd at least managed to brace myself this time. He slowed a little as he got in place to drive side by side with the only other car on the road. He chuckled darkly to himself and then I realized why. Fear took my senses when I saw in the not too far distance, heading straight at us was a giant truck. The driver in the car next to us began to honk the horn and flash obscene hand gestures as the truck grew closer, but Jerome simply turned the radio up and began singing along with the words.

"Jerome..." I said tugging at his arm.

Nothing. And the truck was now honking at us to move.  

"Jerome!"  

The truck was too close for comfort. The sense that I was about to be flattened because of the idiot at the wheel filled my body.

"Jerome, move the damn car!" I shook his arm fiercely and slammed my fists in my chair.

He finally burst out cackling maniacally with an outrageous smile.

He slammed down the pedal and pulled forward in front of the car beside us, missing the truck by a hair. He laughed and howled like it was the funniest thing he'd ever experienced, whilst I sighed the biggest sigh of my life and slid low down my seat. He pulled over and parked.

"Nothing like a little near-death experience to get the blood flowing, eh doll?"  

I had melted into my seat and wasn't really paying attention.

"So, how'd you like me so far?"

"Is that a serious question?" I replied breathlessly. I didn't know where I got the confidence for it, but the words were coming out.

He just giggled.

"Ok, how about I behave... For a while."

"How about you let me go?"

He lifted a long finger at me.

"Tut tut, doll face. Don't make me wiggle my finger at you."

I shuffled backwards in my seat, propping myself upright again.

"So, you know my name? Are you stalking me?" He put his hand on his chest in mock fear.

"Everyone in Gotham knows your name. You're Jerome Valeska. You've terrorised the city and murdered dozens of people. The Gotham Gazette makes sure we don't miss these things."  

"The Gotham Gazette, huh? Note to self, send a gift basket their way." He chuckled to himself then looked at me.

“So, what’s yours?”

I told him my name. I was reluctant, but I was already here in the car with him.

“Hm, cute.” He replied.

I didn’t know why, but him calling me cute made me blush a little. I hoped he didn’t notice.

“You look fun.” He smiled.

“What do you mean?” I asked the question, but I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know the answer.

He pulled my diary out of the door pocket.

“Let’s get to know you, shall we?”  

“That’s private.” I said sheepishly. I really didn’t want him reading what was in there, but I knew I couldn’t stop him.

“Not anymore.” Jerome flicked through the pages, skimming them for interesting thoughts and secrets. It didn’t look like he was finding anything juicy, until he stopped at one page and read it in its entirety.

“I got asked out by a guy in my maths class. He’s nice, but really boring. Just like everyone else in my life. Even if I wanted to go out with him, my dad wouldn’t allow it. He says men are the devil and the only one I can trust is him. Yeah right, Mr it’s 5’oclock somewhere. Even if I took that seriously, he doesn’t have anything to worry about. The only guys in my life are complete clichés. So very predictable, so very dull. I’m so bored of this same old-same old. I want something exciting, an adventure. I need some thrills in this beige goddamn existence!”

He repeated back to me the words I had written just a week prior. He turned to me with a predatory look in his eyes. He let the diary fall from his hands carelessly and I knew then that I would be his prey. He took his gloves off and reached a hand towards my knee. He stroked and squeezed my leg and then journeyed up higher, fingers crawling underneath the hem of my skirt.

“Be careful what you wish for, doll face.” He smirked, darkly.

My breath caught in my chest and I felt a warmth in my core.

"I thought you said you were gonna behave." I peeped.

"I did, didn't I? I guess I lied."  

He pulled my skirt up and ran a finger along my panty covered slit. He was turning me on. I wanted him. He was everything I had been looking for, but it was wrong. I couldn’t give in to this.

"Please... Stop..." I pleaded pathetically.

"Mmm, I don't think I will."  

He softly rubbed my folds through the white cotton. My breath got heavier and I felt the heath build.

"It would be so easy for me to push these little things out of the way and slide my fingers inside you, right now. Wouldn't it?"

"Please... Don't..."

He giggled darkly.

"Oh, princess. You're just too cute."  

He smiled as he moved the material to the side exposing my entrance. He slid his fingers up and down my slit, my juices covering the tips. I squirmed at his touch and tried to scooch back in my seat.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, doll, but you wouldn't be this wet if you didn't really want me inside you." He cooed. His words crashed into me like rocks. He could read my body just as well as my diary. I couldn't hide my desire from him and I didn’t want too.  

He continued to rub for a few more seconds before plunging a finger deep inside me. I let out a gasp at the sudden intrusion and he smirked, seemingly satisfied with my response. He worked me with his finger, pulling out before sliding it back in and deciding to add another. He slowly pulsed his fingers inside me, palming over my clit as he slid in and out, again and again. The swell of warmth in me grew as I rocked my hips.

He pulled his fingers out entirely, leaving me disappointed and empty. I looked at him as he examined the juices coating him. He smiled at me and raised them to his mouth, sucking them clean.

"Mmm. You're so sweet." He said as he lowered them, his voice now deeper and slightly raspy.

He unbuckled his seatbelt, then did mine. He pushed the bag off my lap down to where my feet were and reached his arm around my waist, pulling me backwards, closer to him. He leaned me against him as one hand travelled up from my waist and wrapped around my throat. His other came down, pulled up my skirt and parted my thighs. He pushed my panties to the side once again and introduced his other hand to my wetness. His two fingers sliding in and out, but this time a little faster and much deeper. I let a yelp escape my mouth and his hand squeezed harder around my throat. His hot breath in the crook of my neck gave me goosebumps and sent chills down my spine.  

He explored my walls entirely, hitting all the right spots, hot pleasure pulsing through my muscles as they clenched around his talented digits. He palmed my clit applying a gentle amount of pressure and rubbing in circles. I bit my lip in an attempt muffle my moans.

"Nuh uh. Let me hear you, baby girl." He taunted in my ear.

Two fingers from the hand around my throat pulled my mouth open and played with my tongue.  

"You got something to say, princess?" He pushed his fingers deeper into me until his knuckles stopped him from going any further and pumped them, his thumb circling my clit in sweet slow motions. A loud moan escaped my throat and he smiled evilly.

"That's better." He snarled as he put his full hand back around my throat.  

My legs started to stiffen and I felt my climax build as I tightened around his fingers.

"You wanna cum, baby?"  

He worked his fingers inside my walls and his thumb on my clit, slightly increasing the pressure. His breath came closer to my ear and I felt him take it gently in his teeth. I yelped at the shock of his bite.  

"Mm. So cute."

I rocked my hips against his hand. My release was close, it just needed a little push.

"Cum for me, princess. Cum on my fingers."

As if on his command, the dam burst and my climax washed over me. My legs shook and I moaned as I rode it out. He pulled his fingers out of me slid them in my mouth so I could taste my own juices.

“See, gorgeous. I can play nice.” He buried his face in my hair and took in my scent. He hummed to himself and I felt his grip on my throat tighten. He pulled me forwards and pushed me towards the back seat.

“My turn.” He grinned as he sat up.

I climbed into the back, closely followed by Jerome. I sat down and he straddled me, towering over me with his red hair brushing against the car ceiling. I saw the outline of his hard member pushing against the inside of his trousers. It was right in front of my face and my mouth watered for it. I suppose he caught me looking because he started to palm himself and lifted my chin up so I was looking at him.

“Do you have something sweet for me?” He leaned down closer to me, his grip on my face tightening.

I swallowed and felt the lump in my throat. He crashed his lips onto mine. The kiss was hard and forceful, just like he was. His tongue pushed into my mouth and fought for dominance over mine. It was an easy win for him. He tasted sweet, like the Jolly Ranchers. I assumed that wasn’t the first candy he’d eaten that day. He pulled away from me and smiled, studying my face with hooded eyes.

“Yummy.” He whispered.  

He rose back up and unbuckled his belt. He pulled it from out of its loops, held it in front of him and snapped it quickly. I flinched at the loud sound of the leather.

“Hands.” He ordered in a serious, intimidating tone that aroused me all the more.

I held my hands up to him and he looped the belt in and around my wrists, tightly bonding them together.

“No hands for this. I wanna see how that pretty little mouth works.” He smirked lifting my chin again, tugging my bottom lip with his thumb.

He palmed himself a little more and then unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers, letting them fall around his knees. I could see through his boxers that he was fully erect already. He slid them down and they joined his trousers. Jerome was big. I was worried I wasn’t going to be able to take it all, especially without the use of my hands. He balled my hair in his hand and gripped hard. I gasped at the sudden pain.

“Come on, princess. You know what to do.” He pulled me forwards and plunged into my open mouth. He let out a hiss of pleasure.

He raked his free hand through my loose hair before clenching it in his fist. He used his grip on my head to move me up and down his shaft, prompting me to start. I swirled my tongue around him and started sucking. He hissed again through gritted teeth and pushed in further. My tongue climbed up and down his shaft, licking the sticky coating of precum from him and teasing the head. I hollowed my cheeks and bobbed up and down, letting my saliva cover him.

“Oh, yeah... Fuck, pretty girl.” He groaned in his throat and bucked his hips forwards with force.

He hit the back of my throat and I gagged. The noise seemed to please him so he did it again and again and again. My lips touched his base as he assaulted my throat, gripping tighter on my hair with each thrust. I looked up at him, tears streaming down my face and eyes begging for breath, but it just pushed him further.

He let out a primal growl and pushed my head right into the back of the seat. He held me steady and started to thrust into my face fast and hard. My throat was aching and my jaw was locking. His breath was shallow and erratic. I could tell he was close. I sucked harder for him and my throat clenched tightly.  

“Fuuuuck...” He groaned finally coming to a stop.  

I felt him throb and twitch in my mouth as his climax shot straight down my throat for me to swallow. He was still for a few seconds, then he pulled out with a pleasing pop. He looked down at me catching his breath with a smile.

“Don’t have to tell you twice, huh?” He laughed and lowered his head to kiss me.

He didn’t seem to care he’d just cum in my mouth and kissed just as rough as the first time. This time biting my lip as he pulled away. He slid his hand back up into my hair and balled it again.

“As great as that was princess, I’m still harder than Chinese algebra. So...” Jerome climbed off my lap and shoved me down onto my front.

“All fours.” He commanded.

I positioned myself on my knees and elbows, which was difficult considering my wrists were tied. I felt him roll my skirt up and part my legs. I swallowed. After having him go so rough on my mouth, I was nervous about how he was going to be with this.

“I gotta say, this is some view back here. Shame I don’t have a camera.” He said caressing my thighs.

He hooked his fingers under the band of my underwear and slid them down around my knees. I felt so exposed and my face started to heat up and turn red with embarrassment. I couldn’t believe I was allowing myself to be this vulnerable for a criminal lunatic.

He started to rub my entrance with two fingers. Warmth welling in my core, any thoughts of reservation vanished from my mind. I felt a fast, harsh sting as he brought a hand down to spank me. I gasped at the smack and he stroked the spot where it landed, where there was sure to be a red handprint.  

“Now I really wish I had a camera.” He giggled darkly.  

I squirmed at his touch and tried to close my thighs, desperate for friction, but he kept them spread by sliding his knee between them.

“Oh no, gorgeous. I need you open wide.” He smirked.

I whimpered needily, wanting nothing more than to take him inside me.

“You want something, baby girl? Speak up.” He taunted evilly, sliding his fingers along my slit. He raised his hand back up and then... another spank.

All I could do was whimper. I didn’t want to say what I wanted from him.

“I can’t hear you....” He sing-songed. “What do you want?”  

He circled a finger over my clit teasingly. He was purposefully not giving me enough. Just baiting me. He brought his hand down again for another swift spank. I was sure there was a bruise forming.

“I want you...” I whispered.

“What’s that?” He mocked, sliding his fingers in the slickness of my entrance.

“I want you! I want you to fuck me!” I snapped. I couldn’t take the teasing and taunting any longer. I just needed him.

He chuckled menacingly.

“You want me to fuck you? You wanna take me?”

“Yes! Yes! God, yes!”

He laughed at my neediness. I felt pathetic.

“Sure thing, doll.”

He lined himself up so he could enter me and pushed forwards, grasping hard onto my hips. I moaned loudly as he filled me for the first time, making a low, throaty groan. He reached deep into me and set me on fire in places that I didn't even know were there.  

He kept a quick rough pace, digging his fingertips into my flesh tighter to keep me still and steady. I knew he was leaving marks, but I couldn’t have cared in the slightest in that moment. His thrusts made me whine and whimper for him, to have more of him. He growled like he was letting out some kind of inner beast.

He let go of one of my hips and slid his hand up my back and into my hair. Once he had a good fistful, he pulled it like a leash, tugging my head up and back. I gasped at the sharp pain, but the sound only seemed to feed more into his sadistic wanting and he pounded harder into me. The feel of how deep he was inside me banished all the pain and replaced it with pure pleasure and I bit down hard on my lip to stifle wanton cries. I felt another rough tug on my hair.

“Don’t you dare, little girl. Let me hear it. I wanna hear everything.” He demanded through short, quick breaths.

He pulled back on my hair again and I released a squeal of half pain and half pure elation. I could feel myself tightening around him. I was getting ready to burst.

“I... I’m...I’m gonna...” I panted.

“Oh, no you fucking don’t.”  

He gripped the back of my scalp and pulled me backwards, slamming me down onto my back and climbing on top of me.

“I wanna see it this time.”

He had acted so fast, I barely had time to register what he was doing and he was back inside me almost as soon as he had pulled out.

He buried his head in the crook of my neck, sucking and kissing, his teeth leaving delicious hickeys and bitemarks. When he came back up for breath, he wrapped his hand around my throat and pushed my bonded arms above my head, which I was grateful for as they were getting squashed between us. He crashed his lips onto mine for a rough kiss. His tongue demanded entrance to my mouth, which I gladly allowed.

With his other hand he caressed and stroked his hand down my thigh and under my calf. He then pulled it up and pushed it back so far it almost reached my shoulder. He adjusted himself to straddle my lower thigh and picked up a faster, harder pace. With my leg like this he was able to plunge deeper. He was forceful and powerful and I relished in every thrust. I cried out completely taken by my lust for him, closing my eyes to savour it all. I felt the sting of a slap on my cheek and flashed them back open.

“Right here, princess. Eyes right here.” He said, his voice low and raspy.  

His pupils were completely dilated, leaving only the thinnest ring of green around them. He seemed to be an apex predator that was in the midst of ravaging its prey and I was only too willing to be led to the slaughter.  

“Exciting enough for ya, sweetheart?” He smirked with a fiendish giggle.

“Uh huh...” I nodded dazedly.  

His laugh continued through the onslaught of fierce, deep thrusts pounding intensely into my lower regions. I tensed around his pulsing erection as I felt my climax creep back up on me. I let out loud erotic moans, as he built up more and more of that blissful warmth in my core.

“That’s right. Cum for me.” He grunted through gritted teeth, tightening his grip on my throat.

His pounding got faster and rougher, hitting my sweet spots exactly right. I was right on the edge of what I could tell was going to be a fantastic release. I got louder and louder as I came closer and teetered the brink.

“Yeah.. I... I’m.. Yeah... I’m gonna...”

“Go on, princess. Cum. Cum for me.”  

My orgasm shattered through me like a rock through glass. My body convulsed as my moans turned into lustful screams. The ferocity of it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. The sheer ecstasy took me higher than I’d ever been before. I was on a cloud and I could have stayed there forever. Jerome followed shortly after, growling like a beast as he exploded inside me. He collapsed breathlessly on top of me as I gently floated down from that little piece of heaven.  

“Oh, baby girl. I’m keeping you!” Jerome dropped a kiss on my lips and lifted himself up.  

I came to my senses and started to register the severity of what I had done. Or had it happened to me?  

“What does that mean?” I asked, nervous of his answer.  

He pulled up his underwear and trousers and tidied himself up, even taking time to straighten his tie.

“It means, baby doll, that this is gonna be the start of a beautiful friendship.”  

He laughed his signature maniacal cackle and hopped back in the driver's seat.

“Hey! Are you gonna untie me?” I called to him starting to get very worried.

“I don’t know, doll. I kinda like you like that.” He laughed.

He turned the key in the ignition and revved the engine.  

“Hold on, doll!” He cackled again, before speeding off again.

What have I gotten myself into?

[letsloveimagines]

Title: Crush

Pairing: Corpse Husband x fem!youtuber!reader

Collab with: @the-winter-sxldier-posts

Requested by: @unicornblood4ever

Request: Hi I just saw your request post for Corpse, so if you're still taking requests I have one. The reader have been on a losing streak, and Corpse tries to help. But accidentally rats himself out as the second imposter. With fluff if possible, of course only if you have time to write and everything.

Word Count: 3963

Warnings: a little angts and fluff, i guess?

Note: The images doesn’t belong to me, all the credits go to the respective creators. I only made the collage. Also, I will not make anything to make Corpse uncomfortable, if he ends saying he doesn’t like fanfiction about him, I will delete this.

Part II: Here

                                                            ♦⋅☆⋅♦ 

Y/N sat down at her gaming setup, she was getting ready to start a stream she had been invited by her friend Felix (aka Pewdiepie) to play among us with him, and some other friends. She made sure everything was in order before starting it. She had been doing this for so long, but each time it felt like the first, and there was always that little chill in her belly indicating she was nervous.

She got onto her twitter quickly, just to let people know she was live in case they didn't get the notification about it.  As people started coming in, Y/N smiled at the camera. “Hey guys, welcome to the stream.” She read one of the comments from chat asking what she was gonna be playing on stream today.  “Today we are streaming some “Among Us’ with some friends, and I am getting to who they are before you guys spam it in chat. I’m going to be playing with Corpse, Sykkuno, Rae, Felix, Seán, Lily, Toast, Poki and Leslie.” 

She joined the discord call, as the game loaded up. Y/N had her facecam in the middle on the bottom screen to make sure that she wouldn’t leak the code, once Felix sent it to the discord. Once the code was entered they were in the lobby and Y/N, went to the little mini computer in the game to customize her astronaut, and as always she was quick to pick the white colored one with the pink flower on her helmet. “Hey guys.” Y/N said to her friends in discord with a smile. Felix was the first to speak “Y/N finally you’re here!” She and everyone else laughed as he kept talking, excitedly. “We are still waiting for Corpse and Seán to join before we start, they’ll be here in a minute.” Everyone had said their hellos to Y/N as Seán joined the discord call and the game, followed shortly by Corpse. “Hey, Seán, Corpse.” “Hey, Y/N.” “Whaddup baby.” They both said at the same time making everyone laugh once more, as they all had their characters customized. Y/N’s face turned a few shades of red at what Corpse had said, and her chat was quick to pick up on it. “That is everyone, we are starting the game now.” She muted her mic after Felix had started the game and the black screen with the red astronaut, said shhhhh. Then her screen read ‘Crewmate, there are 2 imposters among us.’ 

She blew out a breath talking to the chat. “At least we can warm up as a crewmate this round.” 

But…

It didn't take much longer for her to get killed, which made her swear. She knew she couldn't trust Felix but she did anyway, and he literally stabbed her in the back… What a traitor. 

                                                             ♦⋅☆⋅♦

The time passed faster than it should have, or at least that’s what it seemed to the group of friends who were just having fun. 

Y/N had now been streaming for an hour, and she was on a major losing streak. She either got crewmate, or voted out first as imposter because she was a bad liar. Or when that didn't happen, she was one of the first ones to be killed, and had to spend the entire game floating from one side of the ship to the other as a little white ghost, completing tasks for her team to win. To be honest, she was already a little irritated about that. They were now in the lobby talking to each other while waiting to start the next game. Y/N's nostrils were flared with frustration after another round of failure at being an imposter. She sighed, unmuting her mic."I just wanted to say that in all of these rounds I must have played a full 8 seconds! Like come on, what's wrong with me today!?" 

That phrase was enough to make the others burst out laughing, including her chat. The comments came and went so fast, sliding on the screen on her right side, that she could barely keep up. 

Sykkuno, like the blessed and pure angel he was, replied amid laughter: "Don't worry, you're just on a bad streak. Better luck next time."

"Yeah, I guess." She answered while moving her mini white astronaut in circles, being quickly accompanied by the black astronaut with horns on his helmet. Y/N smiled at that.

"Stop talking guys, I'll start the new round now." Pewds, who was the host, almost screamed at them. 

Y/N cracked her neck and her fingers preparing herself.

"Stay with me this time Y/N, and I'll protect you." A deep voice was heard through her headphones, causing a shiver to go all the way down her spine. 

"Oh!" She exclaimed surprised, looking at her chat that was going insane with everyone saying how cute that was. "Thank you, Corpse, let's do that."

"No problem." She could hear the smile in his voice. 

The game was started and the black screen with the red astronaut, said shhhhh. Then her screen read IMPOSTER.

Y/N quickly muted her mic, as soon as she stopped listening to her friends speak. "Okay, I wasn't expecting that." She commented to her chat, very surprised, because next to her doll was Corpse's own little character. "Well, maybe my luck is changing. Everyone heard that Corpse and I were going to be together, so at least now we have an alibi if anyone suspects us." Corpse danced around Y/N, suggesting she follow him, and immediately she did. They both went through the ship as he was looking for innocent astronauts for them to murder. They ended up in medbay first, where Y/N faked her samples task, with Corpse watching over her and making sure that no one would find their behavior suspicious. 

And, oh, how her luck seemed to have increased when Felix walked in. Y/N immediately pulled up the sabotage map and locked the medbay doors, and Corpse was quick to kill him. That made the girl laugh hard, yelling out loud. "That was just karma having its way!" 

Then both vented out as the doors were still locked. 

Y/N smiled talking to the chat. “Pewds is dead, next if the opportunity arises we need to get Seán. They are the two that always sus me out even when I’m a crewmate.” She went back to the game as they vented into electrical, since nobody was there presently. They both faked tasks in electrical, Y/N going first with Corpse watching her back. To her surprise, Seán walked in all alone and right as she was going to get her first kill, when Felix’s body was reported. She rolled her eyes. “Damn, so close to getting them both.” She said to her fans as she unmuted the mic, and saw that Rae was the one that found Pewds. 

“Where is the body?” Y/N questioned trying to keep her voice level and calm, to not give herself away. “Pewds is dead in medbay.” Was the answer she got from the other girl. “Y/N and I were in Electrical with Seán.” Corpse said, trying to immediately shift suspicion off of the two of them. “They were already there when I entered the room, however. I don't know where they came from before, though." 

"We came in through storage, after Y/N and I both did the trash chute, Y/N stopped at the gas can and then we came to the electrical to do our tasks." 

Y/N quickly muted herself. "God, Corpse is gonna carry us this round, I can already feel it…I just want one kill and that is Seán, Corpse can kill everyone else... I just want to kill Seán!" She unmuted again as the friends decided that they didn't have enough information to vote anyone, so they skipped and no one was ejected. 

Corpse danced around again for Y/N to follow him and she did. This time they went through weapons. Y/N faked the task against the wall while Corpse faked one as well. Y/N brought up the sabotage map while they waited on the kill cool down to end. 

Y/N  sabotaged the lights, and the two imposters ran over there to turn them on as a way not to give anything that made them suspicious.

"Kill someone, don't wait for Corpse." Y/N read the comments, confused. "I don't know guys, are you sure? Today I haven't won any games as an imposter, so I don't want to give any reasons to make my team lose.” Looking back at the screen of the computer, she smiled seeing that the two little astronauts were touching each other, eye to eye, in what would probably be a strange little kiss. "Awww guys, look! Corpse just kissed me, this is too cute to handle."

But there was something that the fans did not fail to notice, and were quick to tell her that.

                                           User: She's blushing!

                                     User: This is so cute, I'm dying.

                             User: UGH, I ship them together so much!

"Oh, shut up y’all." She said with her face on fire, clearing her throat trying to make her voice normal again. However, the pink tone that painted her cheeks did not want to disappear, getting worse and worse as she thought about it. “Okay, as much as I don't like it, I'm going to do what you said. I’m sorry, Corpse." And then she quickly ran away, going to another path separated from Corpse, looking for someone alone that she could kill.

Hopefully it would be Seán.Y/n would be the first to agree that she was a little obsessed with getting her revenge. But could you blame her? Seán and Felix were almost always the reason she got voted out or killed first.

She went around the map, and on the navigation she found Lily alone. "Oh oh, poor Lily, but I need to do this." She was quick to press the button, kill and enter the vent, leaving Lily's body cut in half behind.

"Quickly, I need to find someone to be my alibi! Where's Corpse?" She came out of a different vent, running and seeing Rae nearby, quickly joining her. It didn't take long before someone reported the body. "Oh no, I'm sweating already."

“Lily’s body was in navigation.” Leslie said.

“And Toast is dead too, so it was a double kill this round.”

"Where have you been, Leslie?" Corpse asked with such a deep and calm voice that if Y/N were not the other imposter, she would think he was innocent. “I was with Sykkuno in security, looking at the cameras.”

“Yes, I was with him.” The mentioned boy said.

“Well, I was with Poki in medbay but I needed to do the asteroids in weapons. So, when I finished in weapons  I went down, and found the body." Leslie replied.

"That seems a little sus to me, to be honest."

"Yeah, seems pretty sus to me too." Y/N repeated after Corpse, trying to help.

"Okay, wait a minute." Rae began, suspiciously. "I was with Y/N for a while because we met in storage, but she came from the right side of the map, I saw it."

"Explain yourself, Y/N."

'Oh no. Busted.' Thought the girl nervously looking at the camera. She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself, and replied as calmly as she could: "Well, yes it's true, but I was in comms uploading. When I finished I left and that's when I found Rae in storage."

"It's her!" Seán accused.

"Definitely."

"What!?" Y/N asked shocked. "No, I'm not the imposter guys, I swear!"

"Y/N, stop, it makes perfect sense. I'm voting." She rolled her eyes, that is exactly why she wanted to kill Seán. 

It was then that Corpse interrupted: "It couldn't have been her, she was with me."

'What?' Y/N asked herself, 'No, I wasn’t. What is he doing?'

"But... You said you were with Sykkuno."

"I... Yeah, but before that I was with her in Comms, but I left to go to the Security."

"And what path did you take?" Rae questioned.

"I went through storage, then electrical and I went up."

"That’s impossible because I went down the left side, and went through electrical and I didn't see you."

"They’re both the imposters, oh my god." Was Seáns revelation. 

"No, we are not. What he said is true!" Y/N tried to defend. 

"I'm going to vote Corpse this time just for his audacity!" Rae exclaimed excitedly. "Then we vote for Y/N!"

"What!?" Corpse said shocked. "No...!"

But it was too late, and quickly his little bean body flew off the ship. ‘Corpse was ejected.’

The girl could do nothing more than gawk at the computer screen, still shocked by what had happened. "No!" She said when she muted the microphone. "The game is already lost. What can I do?" She questioned, guilty.

                                           User: Noooo! Poor Corpse.

                                          User: He was defending her :(

                              User: It's her fault that they found out he was the other imposter.

Guilt weighed on Y/N's heart and she felt saddened. Why did she have to ruin everything? "I know, I'll apologize to him when I can." She whispered to the chat, quietly, running around with her character confusedly. "What do I do now? Do I kill someone or do I play innocent?"

But at that time a meeting was called by Seán who was camped by the emergency button, and everyone got together to speak.

"Yes?"

"Well, we already know who the other imposter is. Are we going to vote her out or not?" He said laughing.

"Guys, please don't, it’s not me."

"Sorry Y/N, but you're the only one sus right now."

"What about Leslie?” Y/N tried. “She left Poki in medbay, she could have gone to navigation, killed Lily, self-reported and said she was in weapons!"

"No, don't believe her!" Leslie shouted. “She’s lying.”

"I know it's Y/N, I'm going to vote for her!"

And one by one everyone voted, and the game was over.

"Good job guys, we did it." The others celebrated while the girl almost pouted.

"What happened, Corpse? I’ve never seen you like that, well, playing so badly I mean." Sykkuno questioned his friend timidly.

There was silence from Corpse for a moment, before he simply said. "I don’t know.”

Swallowing hard, Y/N spoke softly. "Corpse?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"Ehh, don't be. That's alright."

But that was not enough to erase her guilt. "You know Seán this is exactly why I was gonna kill you in the electrical, before Rae found Felix's body. You always sus me out even when I’m  innocent." 

“But you were the imposter this time!”

After a new game where she quickly died (Seán was the one who broke her neck and left her body in admin), the girl was quick to open Discord and send a message to the deep-voiced boy, who as much - as she didn't want to admit it, even more to herself - was her crush.

                                                           Y/N:     I’m so sorry I got you voted out, honestly, I feel so bad about it. I’m such a bad imposter.

                                                       CORPSE:             Y/N, It’s fine, really. There’s no need for you to feel bad about it ♥.

This put a smile on the girl's face again, and her chat was quick to question what was going on. She shrugged her shoulders and gave no further answer, Y/N returned to concentrating on the game, with the corner of her lips lifted in a half smile that she couldn’t control.

                                                           ♦⋅☆⋅♦

Time quickly passed full of fun for the ten friends, and the thousands of people who watched them. Y/N didn't win any of the rounds, but she didn't care about it anymore. After another hour  of playing she decided to say goodbye and finish the stream, feeling the tiredness dominating her. She ate something and took a long and relaxing bath, which eased her aching muscles, and was already in her fluffy blue pajama pants, and was getting ready to go to bed when her phone rang.

Picking it up from the nightstand, she looked at the screen and gasped in surprise seeing who was facetiming her. A shiver ran down her spine. Shaking from head to toe, with her heart pounding, she quickly ran her hand through her hair making sure she was at least minimally presentable, before she answered it, saying nervously, "Hey, Corpse, is everything okay?"

The screen came to life, with her tiny image in the corner and the completely black screen dominating it. Of course he wouldn't turn on the camera, nor did she want him to do it if he didn't feel comfortable. It was already surprising that he actually called, since he has never done that before, and that was what made her even more nervous.

"I just wanted to check on you."  His voice came through the phone. 

That made her face heat up a little. She was thankful that the only light she had on was the lamp on her nightstand and he couldn’t see how red her face got. 

"Cute pajamas by the way." He said while laughing a little bit, provoking her.  

"Well, I would say the same thing, but I can't see anything."  Y/N provoked back.

There was a comfortable silence after that, a silence that the two of them seemed afraid to try to break. The girl laid down on her bed, curled up under her warm sheets, and looked at the black screen kindly, with her head resting on the pillow.

"So-"

"I-" They both said at the same time, and immediately stopped talking when they realized that. “Go ahead-” “You first-”  they once again said at the exact same time. 

Y/N tried to speak. She really tried. She was so prepared to tell him the truth, to tell him how much she was into him, that she was in fact in love with him… She was prepared to say that meeting him, and having him in her life for the past few months was one of the best things that ever happened to her. Y/N was determined to speak, but when she tried, nothing came out.  She stood there, opening and closing her mouth, sighing with a frown on her face. 

"What's up?" Corpse asked seeing that, with concern in his voice.

"Nothing."

"Y/N, you know you can tell me anything."

"I know that." And she really did, Corpse was a good friend, an excellent friend who was always there for her... And that was exactly what she was afraid to ruin with her confession. "You are able to make me so nervous sometimes, even when I think I'm feeling brave."

"Oh, yeah?" He asked, and she could practically see his smile, even though she has never actually seen it. She was in love with a faceless man and she had no idea how to tell him that. 

"Oh, shut up."

He laughed deeply for a long time, and that was enough to make her smile. Finally he stopped and said quietly, almost timidly. "I think what you wanted to say is exactly what I want to tell you."

Impossible, Y/N thought with a sad smile on her lips. I want to tell you how much I love you but… how could I? And who could ever love me?

"No, believe me, it isn't." “And how do you know it isn’t?” Y/N bit her lip a little unsure of how to answer him without revealing her feelings for him. “I-” But she cuts herself off, not having the courage to actually say the words. She pressed her face into the pillow to muffle the groan that came out of her mouth, at how much a coward she was being, but she mumbled out her response that was still muffled. “I just know.”

“What was that?” All he had heard were incoherent sounds.. She sighed, removing her face from the pillow not wanting to repeat what she had said, to save herself the rejection, since he couldn’t possibly feel the same way that she did about him.

“Are you really not going to tell me?” His voice broke through her thoughts. She sighed, trying to get away from the internal battle going on in her mind. “Y/N?” He spoke once again, breaking her out of her thoughts. 

“If I say it... everything is gonna be ruined and weird for us, and I don’t want that. Your friendship is so important to me, you're my best friend.” She ran a hand down her face, furious with herself. “How do you know that, if you don’t say it?” 

“Because I just do, okay?” Why couldn't he just let it go? "I-" She tried to say it out loud, once more. C'mon Y/N, just say it. "I gotta go!" She said quickly tried to end the call, but he wouldn't let her.

"No!" He screamed out sharply, taking her by surprise and then he did something she never thought he would do.

The screen, which was previously completely dark, lit up and his face finally appeared for the girl who loved him to see. Y/N sighed in shock, admiring all his features, from his ivory-white skin to his dark curly hair.

"I have a crush on you too." He confessed quietly, with a soft pink tinge appearing on his cheeks.

Did he just...? Oh my god!  

There was silence again, but this time it was a silence that had become tense and terrifying for both of them. Corpse was nervous waiting for her to say something, and she could tell. His mouth was pressed in a thin line, he didn't seem able to face her as his gaze traveled anywhere but to her, and he fidgeted immensely, touching everything within reach from the rings - that she saw he had on his fingers - to the chain necklace he had around his neck.

"Oh." She sighed softly, not knowing what to say.

He looked at her then, apprehensive and almost ashamed. "Ugly, I know."

"No!" Y/N was quick to interrupt. "You are incredibly handsome just… just as I always imagined." The girl managed to see a small smile appear on his lips as he blushed deeply.

"I..." 

"I’m in love with you too." She confessed, finally without fear. It felt like weight lifted off her to finally get it out in the open between the two of them.

Corpse’s eyes went wide, completely shocked but so, so happy. A huge smile full of shiny teeth on his face, as he focused all of his attention on Y/N. "You are?"

"Yes." She said blushing and smiling intensely as she snuggled up in the blankets, her face almost hidden when she looked at him dreamily.

"I-" He cleared his throat. "Good."

"Good."

"Great."

"Great!"

They burst out laughing, their voices mixing in hamornia. The two looked each other in the eye, separated by a mobile phone screen, separated by kilometers and kilometers... but even with everything that separated them, the world was not able to stop them from falling in love with each other.

"What do we do now?" He questioned.

"Well..." Y/N started. "We'll have to see, won't we? Why don't you start by giving me your address?"

Corpse smiled provocatively, his beautiful eyes shining maliciously. "Of course... But be careful now baby, the devil’s got his eyes on you."

Y/N laughed completely in love.

"Oh, shut up."

                                                            ♦⋅☆⋅♦ Tag List: @breathygasps

[jenoismydad]

2 + 3 = You In Me

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Pairing: Tutor!Jaemin x Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut (pwp), Slight Angst, College AU

Words: 4.6k+

Warnings: 18+ content. Unprotected sex.

Synopsis: He agrees to tutor you and you end up becoming good friends even though you both so clearly want to be more. What happens when you let you bodies talk for you?

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Jaemin was coming over to help you prepare for a test. You had no clue how he'd agreed to assist you, but you were thankful nonetheless. Jaemin rarely ever studied with girls. Mostly because they were always hitting on him. But it seemed you were an exception. You wondered why but you figured it was because he was trying to make some extra money.

Yes, Jaemin made you pay him. He made everyone pay him so you didn't think too much of it. From what you'd heard, his methods never failed to prove effective. You hoped he could help you study well enough to pass this test. After all, a majority of your grade depended on it.

You'd spent a good amount of your time trying to prepare a nice study space for you both to sit at in your apartment. So far you'd only managed to clean your coffee table and place two cushions for seats at its feet.

Jaemin would be here any minute. You rushed to get everything you'd need for the day, wanting to keep it all ready so that you wouldn't have to interrupt the study session. Your bell rang not soon after. He was here on time.

Opening the door, you welcomed him with a smile. He nodded and entered without a word. Black track pants and a plain white shirt. Jaemin hadn't made much of an effort to dress to impress. He ventured into your dorm, looking around the place silently.

That's when he came across your makeshift study zone. He pointed at it and looked at you.

"We're studying here," he asked, placing his hands in his pockets. He sounded a tad bit dejected. Your eyes widened slightly in panic. Was he not comfortable with sitting on the floor? "Yeah, I figured. Is there a problem," you asked, fearing the worst for no reason. Jaemin shook his head. "Nope, I just thought we were gonna sit in your room. That's where most of the girls take me anyways," he revealed, flashing you a small grin. You immediately felt at ease.

"My room's kind of a mess at the moment," you admitted, joining him near your couch. He took a seat on the floor, placing the cushion behind his back instead. He cleaned his black-rimmed glasses and patted the space next to himself. "Let's get started."

Jaemin was a pro at breaking down the complex concept so that your pea-sized brain could understand it to the fullest. The only drawback with that method was that it took much longer than you'd like it to. Two hours later you'd only finished one of the chapters that would be coming for the test. You still had four more to go.

"Fuck it's already three o'clock," you complained, falling dramatically on the coffee table. Jaemin flipped his pen in his fingers and stretched his body with a yawn. "I don't mind staying overtime," he joked. He'd made a lot of humoring comments during your time with him. The last you'd heard, he tended to be quite serious, never straying from his purpose. Not that you minded or anything, but Jaemin wasn't really meeting the expectations everyone had set for him in your mind. Maybe they were just trying to intimidate you.

"Don't you have to study too," you asked, turning your head to glance at him. He looked at you and shook his head. "I already studied beforehand. Plus, this test's gonna be super easy. You pass it with a breeze," he admitted. As relieving as that sounded, you didn't wanna take any chances. What if he flunked the test because he didn't revise or something. You really didn't want to be the person he blamed when that happened.

"You don't have to stay for my sake. You can go home if you want to. I think I can manage on my own now." you flipped through the pages of your coursebook, sighing in despair. It was a lot to go through. At least you still had half the day left.

Jaemin folded his arms. "Don't worry about me y/n. Not to undermine you, but I don't think you can get through all of this by yourself. I mean, you barely managed to understand the basics. All those chapters just branch off from this one and get increasingly tough to learn."

If this was him trying to convince you to let him stay then it sure as hell was working. You groaned and sat back up. "You promise you won't fail the test because of me then?" Jaemin chuckled. "Of course not. I'll pass with flying colors."

So you resumed studying. Jaemin was right. What he taught you next was more confusing than the first chapter you'd covered. You regretted not paying attention during your lectures. Jaemin never got impatient with you. In fact, he took ample time to make sure you understood everything he explained to you. He was very thorough and you appreciated that. However the more knowledge you absorbed, the more exhausted you felt. It got to the point where you felt like you couldn't study any further. Jaemin then suggested that you take a small break. You couldn't have agreed faster.

"Once we're done you should go through the practice questions that I emailed you," Jaemin reminded, taking a sip of the soda you'd offered him. You gave him a thumbs up and fell on the ground. "You're a lifesaver Na Jaemin."

Jaemin chuckled and turned to you. "I'm guessing it's not just math that you're having a problem with."

You raised your head and narrowed your eyes at him. "Nicely deduced."

"We can get together to study together for your other subjects if you don't mind. No need to pay me either," he offered.

You furrowed your brows. "Jaemin the longer you spend teaching me the dumber you're gonna get."

He brushed you off. "I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that."

"You never know, and besides, after today you should know that it's gonna take five hundred years to clear all my concepts. Do you even have that kind of time?"

Jaemin tilted his soda can at you. "You'd be surprised at how much free time I have on my hands."

You smiled. "Wait so you're actually agreed to be my personal tutor."

Jaemin rolled his eyes amusedly. "It was my proposition but yes. I wouldn't be your personal tutor though. Just a study partner."

You sat up and leaned back. "So like, studying in the library after class and stuff like that?"

He nodded. "If the library's closed we can come here or I can take you to my place."

You pursed your lips, considering his deal. But something paused your train of thoughts. "Wait a minute. Why are you asking me this all of a sudden? You hardly seem like the type of guy who'd study with someone else."

Jaemin downed his drink, wincing at the fizziness that clawed at his throat. "I've had fun studying with you so far. Like, you're genuinely dumb, unlike some other people I tutor who just pretend to be dumb so they can spend a few hours with me."

You raised a brow. Had he just called you dumb? "I'll try not to take offense, thank you very much."

Jaemin apologized with a laugh.

"Does it make you feel smarter in some type of way," you asked? Jaemin hummed in response. "It kinda does now that you mention it. But I also feel like it would help me revise and clear my own concepts at the same time."

That made sense. "Damn, and here I was thinking you wanted to do this cause you were interested in me."

Jaemin's eyes widened. You raised your hands in defense. "It's just a joke. Don't take it seriously," you assured. Jaemin relaxed at that.

"Let's get started again. We're almost halfway there," he said, changing the topic. You agreed and sat beside him again, pen in hand, ready to go.

_

You walked out of your lecture with a bright smile on your face and headed straight to the library. Sure enough, Jaemin was already sitting there, waiting for you patiently. You sent him a small wave and skipped over to him. Handing him your graded test paper, you watched excitedly as his eyes lit up.

"Oh my god. You passed!"

You squealed and sat next to him, placing your bag near your feet. Jaemin smiled up at you. "This is such a good score," he added, glad that he'd been able to help.

"Henceforth we're studying together for every single test. I don't care if you're sick or at a friend's house."

Jaemin laughed and nodded. "Sure thing. If it means seeing you this happy then I'm down."

You froze at his words, glancing towards him. He clearly didn't seem to realize what he'd just said. Maybe you'd heard wrong. It was possible. After all, he was whispering. You didn't exactly have the best track record when it came to listening anyways. Concluding that you were mistaken, you pulled out your books and got to finishing up your assignments.

A few hours later Jaemin and you exited the library. You both usually parted ways since your dorms were in the opposite direction. However today, Jaemin followed behind you.

"What are you doing," you asked when he jogged up next to you. "We should celebrate your achievement today," he suggested. That sounded nice. "Okay then, what do you propose we should do?"

Jaemin pondered on your question. "Let's go to the cafe. I'll buy you coffee and anything else you want."

Coffee was perfect. You nodded and agreed. Jaemin grinned and led you to a small cafe that was just a little outside campus.

You both entered the small shop, the tantalizing scent of coffee hitting your senses immediately. Even though it was almost lunchtime, the cafe was brimming with multitudes of students. Luckily, the queue was short.

"Go find us somewhere nice to sit. I'll buy us some drinks," Jaemin said, pulling out his phone. Before you left, you let him know what you'd like.

Venturing to the back of the cafe, you found a secluded booth for two. It faced a large window, one that gave a fantastic view of the campus. You took a seat and placed your bag next to you. After a couple minutes of waiting, Jaemin emerged with your drinks in hand. He handed you yours before sitting down.

"Iced Americano? I see you're into the classics," you chimed, deciding to spark up a conversation. Jaemin took a sip of his drink. "Simple is the best after all."

Of course, it was. "Hey Jaemin," you started, setting your drink down on the table. He hummed. "Do you wanna come over later today," you asked. Jaemin furrowed his brows. "But we already finished studying."

You shook your head. "Not to study. Let's hang out, maybe watch a movie or something like that."

He seemed a bit taken aback, but nothing too alarming. It was just that you two never really did anything other than study together. Sure enough, you'd become close because of it. But you figured as friends, there were other things you could engage in to pass the time.

"Let's do it. What time should I come over," Jaemin asked? "Does seven work for you? I'll order pizza, so you don't need to worry about dinner."

Jaemin nodded. "Seven works for me."

_

As soon as the clock struck seven, there was a knock on your door. The ever punctual Jaemin would never be a second late. You let him in, eager to get your night started. He walked into your dorm and went straight to your room, plopping down on your bed as if it were his own.

You'd already been browsing on Netflix, wondering what genre he liked. It had never come up in conversation before so you didn't really know.

"What are we watching," he asked, scrolling through the options. You shrugged and joined him on your bed. "I'm not sure. I didn't know what you like," you admitted.

"I usually just watch whatever's in the top ten or 'new this week'," he shared. He stopped at a movie you would never have believed he'd be interested in.

"You wanna watch Yes Day," you asked in disbelief? Jaemin giggled and nodded innocently. "It looks super lame but I've already finished watching everything," he revealed. Here you were thinking you both would watch something more serious instead of a family movie. Instead of spending forty minutes trying to settle on one movie, you decided it best to just go with the first choice.

Jaemin started the movie and leaned back beside you. It was quiet between you both for the most part. You watched the movie in silence. It wasn't as entertaining as you'd thought it would be, but Jaemin seemed to be engrossed in it so you chose to say nothing and continued staring at the screen.

Halfway into the movie, Jaemin stifled a yawn and fell to the side, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He looked at you and pointed to the screen. "Are we gonna keep watching this?"

You let out a breath of relief and exited out of the movie once and for all. "If you didn't like it why'd you make me watch it," you complained, shutting your laptop. Jaemin sat up and crossed his legs. "I thought you were enjoying it. You even laughed at the funny parts."

You stuck your chin out. "You should know what my fake laugh sounds like by now Jaemin." He raised his hands in defense. "The only time I hear you laugh is when you realize you're doing something wrong."

You tsked. "That's called nervous laughter genius. You suck at interpreting emotions."

He hit you with a pillow softly. "Hey, stop making me out for a robot."

"You're the human embodiment of the AI," you joked, dodging the pillow he swung at you. Raising your hands in defense, you shielded yourself from him. "At least I said you're intelligent."

Jaemin paused his attacks. "You're lucky I think you're cute. I'll let you off the hook for now."

You had another one of those moments where you froze, wondering if the words that had come out of his mouth were true or not. He didn't whisper this time. You'd heard everything word for word. But you couldn't believe it.

"Did you just call me cute?"

Jaemin nodded, not seeming too surprised about it. "You aren't not cute," he added. Maybe you were misinterpreting the meaning behind it. Friends called friends cute. It was normal. That didn't mean that they liked each other, did it?

Noticing the conflict in your expression, Jaemin leaned forward and cleared his throat. "I didn't mean it in an 'I have a crush on you' type of way."

Something about that made your stomach churn. You felt uneasy all of a sudden. You wanted to be relieved, that he didn't think of you as more than a friend. But a part of you wished he felt otherwise. You didn't know why, it just did.

You chuckled awkwardly and faced him. "Yeah, of course, you didn't. I don't know why I thought that."

Jaemin hummed and rested his chin on his palm. "Maybe because you wanted it to be true."

"Huh?"

"Maybe you wanted me to tell you that I like you."

You didn't know what to say to that. So you just smiled awkwardly. "But you don't, do you?"

Jaemin grinned. "Do you want me to?"

"No! Of course not, why would I-"

"I'm just messing with you y/n. Don't worry, we're just friends," he assured, finding you getting alarmed quite amusing. You hit his shoulder. "Don't joke around like that. Who knows what might happen."

Jaemin's laughter died down. He met your gaze sombrely. You knew he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. His eyes traveled down to your lips for a moment. You sucked in a breath, suddenly feeling giddy. Jaemin looked back into your eyes, this time with a small smile. You didn't know what he was doing. You also didn't know if you liked it or not. Your mind said one thing and your body said another. Jaemin subtly licked his lips. You had no clue why the action had such a devastating effect on you.

Before you knew it, your lips were on his. Jaemin didn't seem surprised at all. In fact, he relaxed and snaked his arm around your waist, pulling your body onto his. He fell back on your mattress, bringing you on top of him. Straddling his lap, you placed your hands on either side of his head, kissing him with vigor. Jaemin groaned against your mouth, the sound sending warm shivers down your back. His lips were softer than you thought they'd be and he tasted faintly of coffee.

His hands slipped under your shirt, resting on your skin. His touch felt fiery hot. You rolled your hips over his lap impulsively, biting his both lip as a throaty groan left his mouth. He squeezed your waist and trailed his hands down to your ass.

Before things could escalate, however, your bell rang. You both stilled, separating from each other. When your eyes met, you scrambled off of him and sat at the edge of your bed, completely stunned. Jaemin rubbed his face and sat up as well, not really knowing what to say. The bell rang again, snapping you out of your daze. "I'll go get that," you muttered disorientedly, leaving Jaemin in your room. He nodded and stood up. "Actually, I'm gonna go," he said, leaving your room before you could say anything. You heard the door open and shut soon after. Your bell rang again.

You went to open your door. A delivery guy stood before you, hands empty with a confused look on his face. "The guy that just left took the pizza with him. He said that you'd pay for it." You couldn't believe it. Nonetheless, you paid the man and shut your door. What had just happened?

_

A few days passed after the incident at your dorm. Jaemin hadn't called or texted you and in all honesty, you hadn't made an attempt to contact him. You felt too embarrassed to face him. After all, it was you who'd gone onto him. Even if he didn't push you away it wasn't like either of you had agreed to start making out. You were anxious because you knew you'd ruined your friendship with him.

A part of you missed him. You enjoyed spending time with him, even though all you did was study. Everything was so bleak now that he wasn't around to humor you.

You didn't want to regret whatever had happened that night. It was amazing. You just wished it hadn't ended the way it did. You should have understood that he indeed was joking. Instead, you mistook his prodding for sarcasm.

It made no sense for you to not speak to him. You wanted to make amends, figure out what had gone wrong. But you were scared he'd ignore you. That would just make you feel worse than you already did.

So you passed the days, wafting in your own misery. Pitying yourself as if the entire weight of the world had been thrown on your shoulders.

Little did you know that all it would take was another shitty test score for you to pick up your phone and call Jaemin.

"Help me study," you said as soon as he answered the call. Jaemin was silent on the other end. "Don't just listen to me. Say something," you begged. Your heart felt heavy. You heard him sigh. "I'd rather not y/n." You got goosebumps. "Jaemin, please. We can go to fucking library if that makes you feel better," you suggested, desperate for him to agree. After giving it some thought he finally answered you. "Okay fine. Tomorrow at three. But no longer than three hours."

He hung up, leaving you feeling a tad bit better. You looked forward to the next day. Hopefully, he wouldn't act indifferent to you.

_

Jaemin sat in your usual spot at the library. He was on his phone, leg crossed over his lap leisurely. You walked up to him and took a seat beside him without a word. Seeing you had arrived, he put his phone away and turned to you. "What are we studying?"

You took out your books and opened them. "This."

Jaemin glanced over the material. No wonder you'd flunked your test. He sighed, placing the textbook between you two. Without wasting a second, he began tutoring you.

No matter how hard you tried, you just couldn't pay attention. You were too busy staring at his face, more specifically his lips. They way he'd lick them ever so often made butterflies soar in your stomach. He'd run his hand through his fluffy hair and adjust his glasses, letting your mind run wild. Jaemin didn't seem to notice your lack of focus. You figured he didn't really care. He kept glancing at his watch. It was like he was waiting for your time with him to come to an end.

Much to your dismay, eventually it did.

"I'll send you a picture of some practice material. You can use that to prepare better," he concluded, getting up from his seat. You quickly stuffed your books in your bag and ran after him.

"Jaemin wait!"

He paused. "What," he asked as he turned around. He sounded disinterested. "Can we talk," you asked? Jaemin sighed and shrugged. "What do you wanna talk about," he questioned, placing his hands in his pockets. "About what happened at my place last week."

Jaemin tensed up. "It was a mistake. I think we both understood that."

You shook your head. "I don't know Jaemin, I'm not sure I did."

He furrowed his brows. "What do you mean?"

"The more I thought about it the more I realized that I wouldn't have kissed you unless I wanted to. Not just that but you wouldn't have let it go so far if you thought it was wrong."

He seemed at a loss for words.

"When you called me cute, you did mean it in an 'I have a crush on you' type of way." You didn't need an answer for him to know you were correct.

"What are you trying to say y/n," he asked, sounding defeated.

"That I like you," you admitted. Jaemin's eyes widened. "And that you like me too," you added.

Jaemin bit his lip. "Okay, so then why were we acting like we hated each other for so long?"

You shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because you overthink everything and I'm a big pussy."

Jaemin chuckled and slung his arm around your shoulder. "I'm sorry about that babe."

You cringed at the nickname. "Don't 'babe' me. We're not dating. Not yet."

Jaemin rolled his eyes. "Does it really need to be that formal?"

You nodded adamantly. "Of course it does."

He sighed. "Fine. Will you go out with me y/n?"

You smiled and shook your head. "I'd rather not Jaemin."

"Yeah whatever," he said with a scoff, leading you outside.

_

As soon as you were past your door Jaemin's lips were on yours in an instant. He pushed you against the wall, wrapping your legs around his waist. You held onto his shoulders, sighing into his mouth. "I missed you so fucking much," he muttered, stumbling to your room.

He dropped you on your bed and hovered over you, staring down at you somberly before kissing you again. His lips didn't stay on yours for too long, trailing down to your jaw and then your neck. You tugged at his shirt, urging him to take it off. When he did, you stared at his chiseled body in awe. "I didn't know you worked out."

Jaemin chuckled at your comment and pulled your own shirt off. He flicked the tiny bow on your bra with an amused grin. "This is cute."

You nudged his arm timidly. "I wasn't exactly preparing myself for this moment."

He said nothing further and latched his lips to your neck once again. Running your fingers through his hair, you craned your neck to the side to give him more access. He gently sucked on your skin, not too harsh that it would leave marks. You sighed and fiddled with the waistband of his sweatpants. "Do you want it off," he asked quietly, lips ghosting over yours. You nodded, biting your lip when he pushed his pants down.

His member came into sight, making your mouth water.

Taking your hand in his, he brought it to his cock. Your fingers wrapped around his girth instinctively. Jaemin suck in a breath as he made you stroke his length. His hand slipped past your panties, fingers toying with your clit. You gasped and spread your legs wider, loving the way his calloused fingertips felt. Tightening your grip around his cock, you jerked him off earnestly. In turn, Jaemin began rubbing quick circles into your sensitive bundle of nerves.

Letting go of his member, you hastily pushed your pants down your legs. Jaemin peeled your panties off of you, marveling at the sight of your glistening pussy. "Don't just stare," you complained, shutting your legs, "do something."

Jaemin wordlessly, spread your legs apart and settled down between your thighs. He glanced up at your through his lashes, asking for permission before licking a stripe up your folds. You pushed your hips against his mouth, eyes falling shut when he repeated the action. Holding onto your thighs, he nipped and sucked at your clit, groaning every time your bucked your hips into his face. You gripped onto his hair, tugging at his roots. Jaemin's fingers prodded at your slit, slowly entering your walls. He curled them up, making your arch your back in delight. It felt so good. He knew exactly what he was doing.

With his tongue skillfully moving over your clit and his fingers continuously pumping in and out of you, it didn't take long for you to feel a familiar knot in your stomach. You sat up, pulling his mouth off of your cunt. "I need you to fuck me now." Your voice was hushed, breathless because of how much you'd moaned. Jaemin's eyes had darkened considerably. He pushed you down on your back again and pressed his tip to your entrance.

Jaemin felt bigger than he looked. Not that you were complaining or anything, it just took a while to get used to. He made sure you were comfortable before slowly starting to pound into you.

You grabbed his arms as he fastened his pace, head falling back in ecstasy. Shallow breaths left his parted lips. "You feel so good," he muttered, burying his face in the crook of your neck. His breath was hot on your skin. You wrapped your arms around his neck, humming in response. You were close. Jaemin could tell.

Gripping onto your waist, he went faster, slamming his cock into you as he chased your highs. You cried out his name, squeezing your eyes shut. Your walls clenched tightly around his length, your orgasm crashing down on you intensely. Soon enough, he twitched inside you. His thighs stilled, hips snapping into you one last time before thick ropes of his cum shot into your walls. He let out a pleased groan, voice deep and raspy.

"That was amazing," you breathed, pushing your hair out of your face as Jaemin moved off of you. He smiled and tugged his pants back on, joining you under the covers. "I'm glad you enjoyed it." Jaemin pulled you into his side, letting you rest your head on his shoulder. You laughed to yourself. "What is it," Jaemin asked. You shook your head, looking at him. "To think this all started after you agreed to tutor me."

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tagging: @neosmutcollective @hoehousenet @kdiarynet @kafenetwork @nct-writers @ficscafe @whipped-kpop-creators @kpopscape

[snwusberry]

pairing: san x reader

genre: angst (i think...)

warning(s): toxic relationship, suggestive themes, language

note: this is not written to glorify or romanticize toxic relationships nor do i associate this character with san in any way.

THIS IS FICTION SO THE PERSONALITY OF THE CHARACTER WILL NOT MIRROR THAT OF THE ACTUAL PERSON.

reader's pov

fucked up is one way do describe what's going on. my friend even said i lost my damn mind and i agree but whats the fun in being cautious anyway? i mean sure my emotions are just messed up now but its too late to change anything now so what's the point?

"you did not just schedule a d*ck appointment in my presence. i just know you didn't." my friend, claire, comments loudly as she was munching on some nasty ass sweet potato fries.

"no i didn't you moron. we're just going to talk." i answered her makimg her give me a judgemental look before scoffing.

she knows. we both do.

"sweetie, your little talks always end up in fights then you somehow end up in each other's bed. can't you see that man is a walking red flag?"

that's one thing she's not right about. san isn't the big bad wolf my friends and family paint him as. he's sweet, mindful, caring. when we're together, we both just bring out the worst in each other.

"don't you have your own problems to handle with blaise?" i asked her trying to shift the topic onto her and her own bad decisions. all i hear is the sound of the leaves on the trees rustling in the soft wind. "you see? you have no space to talk."

"yeah, yeah okay. but don't come to me crying again." she sulks in her seat and continues eating.

"look. i've gotta go now. i'll see you later okay?"

"be careful, okay."

i nod and stand up to leave.

i take my keys and drive to the place i've sworn so many times not to go to, yet i always find myself at the same place each time.

i knock on the door and wait a while. i hear footsteps approach and the door opens revealing the one and only choi san. i sigh and look at him, try to gather myself and my words.

i've rehearsed what i wanted to say on my way here and i'm determined to tell him exactly what i want to. but then again, how many times has this happened? i should know its no use.

"can i come in?" i ask and he says nothing. he just moves aside fo me to enter.

i walk in and sit down as he closes the door. he comes and sits down on the sofa opposite the one i'm on but he doesn't say anything.

its radio silence. the only sound coming from the radio softly playing music. i look at the table where he has his laptop set up with a few papers messily put next to it.

i remember back to when he would have late nights chasing deadlines and i'd be there with him with my own assignments to complete.

although we'd both have our own wrok to do, we'd still goof around and be each other's company. i miss those days.

"are you not gonna say anything?" i asked him, not daring to look at him.

"what do you want me to say?" he asked, leaning back in the sofa.

"you invited me here. i thought you had something to tell me."

"i do. its just... i don't know..."

"then let me say something." i tell him and he looks at me. i immediately freeze up.

he really doesn't know the power he holds does he?

"i wanna go back to the old us."

i wanna punch myself in the face. that's not what i came here to say.

"you know thats impossible right? we've done too much damage, theres no way to fix this." he states bluntly. maybe a little too blunt.

"how would you know?"

"y/n how wouldn't i? everyone can see it, it's about time you open your eyes to see it too."

i can already feel the tears threatening to spill. i know all this already, i was just never ready to accept it, i guess now is the time.

i look down, shutting my eyes in attempt to regain my composure.

"i see it. i see it a little too clearly but why not try?"

"because we're too far gone! yes we still love each other but it's damaged and there's no amount of fixing that can be done to get it back to how it once was!" he tells me, raising his voice.

i hate it. i hate it so much how he's gone from only speaking to me in such a soft voice, never even attempting to raise his voice at me, to that being one of the only ways he talks to me.

"you're right." i take a breath, wiping the tears that have fallen. "it is tainted. i want all this to end. i dont want us to keep hurting each other like this. i really do want it to end but that would mean we'd have to end this relationship and i don't want to let it go. i don't wanna lose you."

this is far from where i wanted this to go. i'm not supposed to be be crying, i was supposed to end it and i was supposed to me out that door with my remaining dignity yet that's not the case.

hell, is it ever?

"that's the thing. i don't wanna lose you either. i love you more than anything but everytime we try to speak we just end up fighting. it's taken a toll on us. it's not healthy."

"it's not like I want us to fight." i mumble, lowering my head.

"I don't want us to either but you just get on my nerves sometimes." he reveals, getting closer to me. my breath catches in my throat and i look up at him. my teary eyes meeting his troubled ones. "don't look at me like that. you do it on purpose don't you?" he sat right next to me.

not this again. anything but this. it's not too late. i can still stop this. i just need to say the word.

"admit it baby." he softly speaks, taking my hand in his. his hand enveloping mine perfectly.

i look at our connected hands and sigh, letting more tears fall. i can't do it.

"i love it when we misbehave."

"you're so fucked up." he said to me. his face dangerously close to mine.

he's too close now. i can't back out when he looks at me like that.

"we both are."

"and you say we can fix this when this is how you think?" he said with a sick smile on his face.

i should hate this, but i can't.

"why are you making seem like i'm the only one who feels this way?" i finally get a grip and move away, taking my hand out of his hold and i stand up. san, i need to leave."

i grab my keys and make my way to the door. before i can even reach tor the handle, he speaks up

"you'll be back tonight anyway." he said walking me out. "it was nice talking to you."

i say nothing and walk to my car not looking back.

i get in my car and look at the door where hes standing witg an unreadable expression.

not this time choi san.

once i get home, i see claire already there, watching my wife and kids.

"what are you doing here?" i ask and she turns to me.

"you know i don't have disney plus. so im here. hey can you refill my soda?"

"no."

i go to my room to get into more comfortable clothes, wiping my makeup off before walking back to the living room.

"i'm assuming you finally made the right decision seeing you didn't take long." she breaks the silence and her words take me back to what could've been.

"yeah. i have to put myself first."

"i'm proud of you."

i smile at ger and stand up to get myself a drink when claire walks into the kitchen.

"look, something came up and i gotta run. don't continue watching without me alright?"

i nod and she runs off. now i'm left alone with my thoughts. bad combo.

"you do it on purpose, don't you?"

his closeness, the look in his eyes, his voice. i need to get it out of my head.

i can't be alone, i'll make another bad decision.

i pick up my phone and dial my sister's number.

"hello?"

"tanya, can i come over?" i ask her

"uhhh... sure."

"okay, thanks. i'll see you later."

i hang up and get my stuff to leave. i get in my car and drive down the falimiar roads.

once i arrive, i walk to the front door and knock, waiting for the door to open.

"i told you you'd come back. come inside."

i sigh, walking into the house.

[persephones-wren]

heyy! Could I request a Kaz brekker and reader fic where shes really sensitive and kind and the opposite of him and they're dating but he seems to be spending more time with inej planning a heist and reader gets jealous and during the heist she saved inej from a bullet, getting hurt in the process and tells Kaz,in a delirious state, that shes happy she saved inej for him and everyone helps him plan a picnic for her while shes healing and suprises her? Its quite a long request but it would be wonderful if you wrote it!! thanks💕

Ends of the Earth (Kaz Brekker x Reader)

Hope you enjoy reading! I had a lot of fun writing it :)

Warnings: reader gets shot, that's about it?

Genre: Angst to (minimal) Fluff

Word Count: 2126

You’re not sure how you could have ever expected him to return what you felt for him.

You and Kaz were essentially opposites- he was a hardened criminal, you were more of a person who just ran with the wrong people. He was mean and commanding, you were sweet and endearing. Where he’d kill people with no hesitation, you’d probably be torn over it for the rest of your life.

Though the Barrel seemed to have no room for someone as kind as you, you had found yourself to fit fine along with rest as someone to watch over the rest. Your skill of memorization was appreciated when Kaz needed to reflect back on a certain part of the plan, and besides, having someone counteract his cruelty was appreciated by the others.

Sometimes, like now, it was hard to be a part of the Crows. Watching Inej stand by his side, watching them work together like well-oiled parts of the same machine, it was bittersweet. You couldn’t help the jealousy that overtook you, but kindness was ingrained in you. You couldn’t hate him. You couldn’t hate Inej.

“So we’ll take them out there. Inej, I’m going to need your backup here.” His voice snaps you back into the moment.

“Got it.” She nods.

“Before then, though, You’ll be stationed here. Y/N, I’m going to want you to stick close to her. She can fight for the both of you in case anything goes wrong.”

You’re useless, you berate yourself. You’re going to need Inej to save you. Maybe if you could defend yourself the way she could, he’d like you more.

“Understood.”

“That should wrap everything up. We’ll meet at the usual spot tonight. We’ll take transport there and sneak in. From there, everything should go according to plan.”

…

Night quickly falls, and you’re all gathered.

“To reiterate, I’m going to go grab the paintings. Inej and Y/N, stick together and communicate when it’s safe. Jesper, you’re going to shoot out the lights when signaled, and make sure that carriages are ready when it’s time. Wylan, wait it out here with him. If all goes to shit, blow this place. Clear?”

Echoes of agreement echo from around you, and you nod. This should be an easy heist.

“Y/N, c’mon. Let’s head over this way.”

Inej takes your wrist and leads you to the edge of the building. Her stare is intimidating as she surveys the building, before turning back to you.

“I’ll scale the walls, and then I’ll use the rope to pull you up. We can wait on the top of the building for a bit, before slipping in through a window. That okay?”

Damn her for even being considerate to you. And you still have the nerve to be jealous over her. Her and Kaz are so similar- they’d be perfect for each other.

You still can’t find it in your heart to be completely happy about that.

“Y/N? You alright?”

“Huh?” you snap out of your reverie, and give a bashful smile. “Yeah, that’s good. I’ll spot you. Hopefully I’ll be able to get up there…”

Inej throws you a reassuring smile back. “You’ll be okay.”

You watch with awe as she scales the building with no issue, truly living up to the nickname she had been given. She’s nearly invisible as she reaches the top, you note. She’s incredible.

You wait on the ground patiently as Inej lowers the rope, before you hear voices.

You stare up at her, wide-eyed, before running and diving behind a tree.

“The wine good tonight?”

It’s a guard. Your heart rate quickens, and bring a hand over your mouth. Quiet your breathing. If they catch you, you’re dead, and you’ll be the dead weight of this mission.

“I don’t know, haven’t had a drink yet. Maybe once everyone’s gone. Ha! The Stadwatch won't penalize me if there’s no guests to guard!”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit! All we have to make sure is no scum tries to steal the painting.”

“Like anybody would dare show their face here.”

The other guard laughs, and you wait with baited breath as they finally round the corner.

You check both directions, before you quietly slip out.

“Inej?” you’re quiet and slightly shaken. Death and capture was always palpable on these missions, but it had come swinging at you quicker than you had expected. “You still there?”

“Yeah,” her voice comes from above. “I’m here. You’re fast on your feet. Good thinking.”

“Thank you, and thank you for waiting.”

The rope drops down for the second time, and you take a hold of it, pulling yourself up with a bit of her help. Your hands finally grasp the ledge of the building, and Inej extends one of her hands to help pull you up. You’re hauled onto the rooftop, and though it’s a bit ungraceful, you’re okay.

“Thanks,” you whisper.

“No problem.”

Your eyes are both directed on the walkways below.

“You scout out for guards down there, and I’ll check for guards in the windows? We should signal to Kaz soon.”

“Sure.”

You keep a careful eye down below, hearing Inej scurry to different window points. You watch as she slips to one of them, peering through.

“Just our luck,” she mutters cheerfully. “This window’s fine. Let’s open it. I’ll go first, but send a flare for Kaz. I’m going to need that window open as soon as that flare goes up.”

“Alright.” You take a deep breath, before shooting the flare off. Inej thrusts open the window and pulls you in behind her.

You watch a figure walk past the doorway. That should be Kaz, and now, he should be slipping past you to go to the next doorway to take the painting-

“To the roof again, now-” Inej says, and starts to step out behind the boxes, and the figure turns back.

That’s not Kaz.

A click.

She’s going to be shot.

You’re acting on pure impulse and nerves when you shove her aside, and the bullet pierces through your shoulder. You crumble, and Inej tries to keep you from completely collapsing.

You grit your teeth. You’re trying not to let tears stream down your face, but everything hurts and Inej is over you and she’s saying something but you can’t hear her-

You try to force yourself to sit up, and you see a cane poised to hit the guard over the head. You turn away, and thank your murky hearing that you can’t hear the scream that emits from the guard.

Kaz.

“What happened?” His voice is losing it’s cool quickly.

“She was shot by the guard, I don’t think she’s quite registering it-” Inej’s voice is more panicked, but she forces herself to be analytical. “She’s going to need treatment, and quickly.”

“Okay,” he breathes in sharply. “Okay. Go down the hall, grab the paintings, and meet Jesper by the transportation. I’ll get her out.”

“Okay.”

Inej dashes down the hall, and he takes in your state. Your pupils are blown wide, and you’re trying not to cry, but it hurts.

“Kaz,” you breathe out. “Thank the Saints. Is Inej okay?”

He frowns at that. What about Inej? Inej was fine, you’d been shot. Did you have no self-preservation instincts?

“Inej is fine,” he mutters.

“That’s good,” you sigh out. “That’s good. I don’t quite think I’m going to make it out here alive, so just in case I don’t, I love you. Though I’m glad she’s okay, for your sake.”

His frown deepens. “I’m sorry? For my sake?”

“You’re in love with her. She with you. You guys can live your happy ending. As happy as the Barrel can get, anyway.” Your smile is slightly delirious, and he knows you’re not thinking rationally.

“Stop talking.”

“I’m sorry, are you mad at me? Please don’t be mad at me. I didn’t-” you cough, “think I’d die, but if it’s for you and Inej, then I think it’s worth it.”

“Nobody is worth your life,” he nearly yells. “You’re not going to die, Y/N. I won’t allow it.”

“Please, just let me stay here. They’re going to find you if you don’t.” “I don’t care.”

He’s pulling off his jacket and carefully using it as a tourniquet for your shoulder.

“Can you walk?”

“Kaz, please-”

“Can you walk.” It’s a statement, maybe a threat.

“Maybe- maybe with a bit of support,” your words are weak. You’re running out of time. “The world looks sideways, though- face it, Kaz, I’m not going to make it. I don’t want to be dead weight, your touch aver-”

“I’m not going to combust into fucking flames if you lean on me! Goddamnit, let me help you!”

His anger startles you. You hold back more tears as he pulls you up. At least he took the care to pull you up by the other arm. “Okay.”

The world is spinning and his face isn’t clear, and time seems to speed up as both of you go through the hallways, finally meeting Jesper and Inej in the courtyard.

“Bloody hell,” Jesper mutters.

“Go. To the White Rose. Nina should be able to do something.” Kaz leaves no room for argument. You’re passed out now, and he’s almost thankful you can’t feel anything as the carriage rushes through harsh weather and bumpy roads.

I don’t quite think I’m going to make it out here alive, so just in case I don’t, I love you.

Were you that oblivious? Did you think he was in love with Inej? How could you be so blind?

How could you sacrifice yourself so he could live what you thought to be a “happy ending”?

You didn’t plan it, did you?

He carefully takes off one of his gloves, hovering his hand over your forehead.

You’re still warm.

He doesn’t believe in Saints, but now, he’s almost praying to them that you’ll be okay.

Please be okay.

...

Inej glances at Kaz, standing over her in the White Rose.

She’s been out for days at this point. Nina could only do so much, with whatever corpse-like power she’d gained. The rest had to be natural healing.

Inej clears her throat. “She’d go to the ends of the world for you. For your happiness.” Kaz remains still.

“Don’t make her do so again.”

..

Your eyes flutter open, the brightness of the room nearly rendering you blind.

Your shoulder hurts like a bitch, but besides that, you’re alive.

Happiness and heaviness fill your heart at once. You’re alive, you’re okay. What had you said to Kaz in your state?

Hopefully nothing stupid.

“You’re awake. I’m glad.”

Kaz’s voice comes from the edge of the room. He’s leaning on the wall, cane in hand. When was Kaz upfront with his emotions?

“Yeah. How long was I out for?”

“A couple of days.”

“Days?” Your voice cracks. “I didn’t think it was that bad.”

That’s a lie. You thought you were dead, for sure. He doesn’t have to know that.

“...Right.” He’s skeptical, but pushes himself off the wall and makes his way over to you. “This may be a bit early, but would you want to go for a walk?”

“Sure.” Is he kicking you out of the Crows? Why would he want to go on a walk just after you’ve woken up? You’re screwed.

He waits for you to stand, and then you’re both walking side by side, into the gardens of the courtyard. He doesn’t say anything, just leads you to a small place under an apple tree. A picnic blanket is spread out, with a small basket laying on top of it.

Your eyes widen in surprise, and a brief smile flashes across his face. “Nice, isn’t it?”

“Kaz- what is all of this?”

“You said you loved me.”

Horror paints across your face, and you lower your head in shame. “I’m sorry, I didn’t, I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry, I know you love Inej, that- was a bit unprompted of me, I’m sorry-”

He blinks at your rushed words. “Y/N. I’m not in love with Inej. She’s part of the Crows, as are you. Though- if you mean it,” he clears his throat, “that you love me- then take this as a surprise first date.”

Your expression morphs into a shy smile. He’s probably not ready to say it back. It doesn’t matter. He feels the same way.

“Happy first date, then.”

You’re both talking and eating, small smiles on both of your faces, a stark contrast to the harsh atmosphere of Ketterdam. It doesn’t matter to him. You’re alive, you’re safe, and you’re with him. You’d go to the end of the world for him. He’d do the same for you.

He loves you.

[goddesswritings]

“Can I slap her for you?” -  Corpse Husband | Part Two

Title: “Can I slap her for you?” – Part Two

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Reader

Summary: Being stuck living with the queen of YouTube drama and partying during the pandemic has seriously worn down your patience. Meeting Pokimane has changed your life for the better, making Among Us a pivotal part of your life.

Word Count: 5.2k

Unedited for now. I was eager to post. I will edit it later.

Corpse Masterlist

********

<< PART ONE

After you left the apartment, you sat in the parking lot of some random store, trying to decide what to do now. Sighing, you opened your phone and went to Instagram. Corpse was probably wondering if it went okay.

Corpse: She left the stream, thank you!

Corpse: What exactly did you do?

Corpse: She’s sending Sean angry DM’s now.

Corpse: Hey, are you okay?

Y/n: Hey sorry, I had to pack. I’m fine, happy to help get her out of the stream. I switched off the power to her office.

Honestly, you wished you could have stood up against her more often than you did. She was four years younger, so you should have been able to have the say in things. But no, Olivia was a control freak and a spoiled brat too. She would no doubt tell your parents you started a fight with her, and she felt unsafe.

Corpse: Wow, you’re badass. Packing for what?

Y/n: Um, she may have kicked me out of the apartment, and I may have left without a fight because I’m tired of her shit. 🤷‍♀️

Corpse: Do you have a place to stay?

Of course you didn’t and you really should have thought about that before just leaving the way you did.

Y/n: Not really but I will find somewhere.

Well you hoped you could. There weren’t many people who were keen in taking in a friend during a pandemic.

Corpse: Poki’s going to call you.

At that message, your phone started to wring and sure enough, it was Poki.

“Hello?” You asked hesitantly.

“So someone let it slip that your sister kicked you out?” Poki said calmly.

“Is that someone, Corpse?”

“Yes, he said it out of shock but I’m glad he did. Knowing you, you would have kept it a secret from me.” She was right. You hated inconveniencing your friends.

“Damn you, Corpse.” You muttered making her laugh. “Yeah so I ruined Olivia’s stream and she started screaming at me before kicking me out. I didn’t fight it because I am tired of her.”

“Understandable. Well do you need somewhere to stay?”

“Yes but I will find some place.”

“Nope, you’re staying with me. Come over now or I am coming out to drag you back to my place.” Her protectiveness made you smile.

“Sure, I’ll be there in a few.” You hung up.

Y/n: Thank you for looking out for my stubborn ass, Corpse. I would have never told her.

Corpse: Stubborn is one word to describe you. Cute is another.

That comment made your face heat up from the sheer adorableness of it. Corpse seriously just called you cute.

Y/n: Can I say you have a genuinely nice hand. It’s marvelous.

Corpse: Hey, don’t make fun of my hand. It takes all the heat for me. That hand is very anxious every time I post him.

Y/n: Awe I bet. Give him hugs from me. Also tell him I’m a big fan!

The easy flow of conversation between the two of you was nice. You got along extremely well and talking outside of the game was nice, since you could focus on what you really wanted to say to him.

Corpse: He’s flattered!

This was great and took your mind off Olivia and the fact she just kicked you to the curb with nowhere to go. But Poki was there for you. You appreciated her more than she knew.

You pulled up in front of her apartment building, parking the car, you got out and grabbed your stuff. Typing in the code Poki had given you a while ago, you were let into the building. Entering the elevator, you made your way to her apartment.

Barely knocking, the door flew open to reveal Poki. She looked mad but also worried. She pulled you into the apartment and hugged you tightly.

“Can I slap her for you?” She asked calmly.

This made you giggle. “I mean I would like to slap her as well.”

“We should make a plan. Hey, the group is still on, come say hi.” She started to lead you to her office.

“Are they still streaming?” You didn’t want to reveal your face to the world, not like this.

“Oh no. We ended our streams when Olivia started talking about you. She completely wasn’t respecting your privacy and we weren’t about to let her spill it to our viewers.” That was so sweet of them to do.

You had left your bags in the other room while you followed her. An idle conversation was going on when you entered.

“Hey guys, I’m back.” Poki took a seat in front of the computer, she pulled up a second chair. “I have someone special here.”

Sitting down, you saw her nod for you to say something. “Hey, did you miss me?”

They went wild.

“Y/n! Oh we missed you!”

“Don’t leave us again.”

“I’m sorry I invited your sister to stream.”

“Hey Y/n.”

The mix of voices was overwhelming in a good way. Sykkuno, Rae, Sean, and Corpse pretty much spoke over each other which made you laugh.

“One at a time, guys. You can’t overload her.” Leslie told them.

“Sorry Y/n. We just really missed having you here. You’ve become one of our favorite friends to play with.” Sykkuno said sounding as sweet as ever. That man was just the best.

“Yes, I can say we agree.” Rae added.

It was nice to hear they missed you. It really helped to lift your mood as well.

“Did your sister really kick you out?” Toast asked

“Yes she did. But it’s not surprising at this point. She’s probably been gunning to kick me out as soon as she could.” Sad truth

“Well she’s the worst player ever. She can’t keep a secret at all. I really should have never agreed to get her into the group.” Sean said sounding sad.

“Hey Sean, please don’t worry about it. She’s always weaseling her way into things. It’s completely not your fault.” One of the things she loved to do was incessantly DM other youtubers for collabs or for free stuff. She really had no morals.

“Well thank you, Y/n. You’re literally the sweetest.” Sean said earning a bunch of ‘I Agrees’ from everyone else. That really was helping make the night better.

“Who’s up for some more Among Us to relax after that shitshow?” Lud asked making everyone laugh hard. It was agreed the group would do it. Luckily, you had your laptop and joined the call and game and stayed in Poki’s living room to play. Honestly, it was so good for you.

**

At the end if gaming, you said goodbye to the group. Then Poki showed you to the extra room that used to be her roommates before she moved out last month.

“Hey, are you looking for a roommate?” You asked as you put the bags on the bed.

Poki sent you a smile. “I am. Are you interested?”

This was good. “Yes, I mean I still have to find another job since my main is still furloughing me until this pandemic gets better but I have some money saved up.”

“Hey, please don’t sweat it. Besides, I know a friend who’s in need of an editor, I may have mentioned your name and she really wants to talk to you about it. Is that okay?”

“Wow, that’s perfect. Thank you, Poki. You’re such a great friend.” It felt good to have someone there for you.

She pulled you into a hug. “Always. I am so glad I met you. You’re one of my best friends.”

This was an honor. “Don’t make me cry.”

“I can’t promise anything. Anyway, I will leave you to rest. It’s been a long night. Tomorrow I will give you my friends details.”

“Sounds good, night Poki.”

“Goodnight, Y/n.” She waved goodbye and closed the door behind herself.

Smiling, you sat on the bed. It was such a good thing that she was here got you. But also Corpse was the catalyst that got you to actually tell Poki was what happening. He was sweet and it seemed he was looking out for you.

After changing into comfy pj’s, you brushed your teeth before climbing into the freshly made bed. Opening Instagram, you saw that Corpse has messaged you.

Corpse: I don’t like being too forward but hey here we go. Can I please have your number so we can talk more easily?

A smile made its way to your face. For a tough man, he surely had a sweet way of getting to you

Y/n: Yes you can. xxx-xxx-xxxx.

The nerves jumped when you sent that message. Less than a minute later, you received a text from an unknown number.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

Hey Y/n, it’s Corpse. Would you mind if I called you so we could talk for a little?

You liked this idea truthfully. It only helped to show how genuine Corpse was being.

Y/n

Not at all. Please go ahead and call me.

Your phone rang, displaying Corpse’s name.

“Hello?” You answered the phone while pushing away the anxiety.

A soft deep laugh filled your ear. “Hey sweet girl. How are you feeling?”

His words made you want to sigh in the most lovesick way. That never happened these days.

“I’m good. Poki had an extra room I could crash in and well I might just be her new roommate.”

“I love that. She’s so much better than your sister I assume.”

“She is. Here I won’t have to deal with the incessant pandemic partying Olivia likes to do.” That selfish bitch.

“Shit, is she stupid? She does know she’s risking a lot of lives, right?” You loved that Corpse had the logic you craved.

“So she is stupid, and her response was always that it’s not her problem and that the vulnerable people should stay home.”

“She sounds like the typical beauty youtuber these days.”

“Yes, she is. She has no morals.”

“Well that’s not good. I guess that’s why her name keeps popping up all over social media. She really needs to be careful, before she becomes the next Tana.” He was right but you personally thought she was past that point already.

“It’s too late. She’s already passed the point of return with all of this.”

“Yikes. It’s good you got out of there when you did.” A soft but deep laugh was heard through the phone. The sound made you giggle. Hearing such a tough guy laugh the way Corpse laughs, made you feel giddy. “So about what I said earlier, I meant it.”

“Huh, what are you talking about?” You truly were a little lost by this.

Corpse laughed again. “When I called you cute earlier. I meant it.”

Heat filled your face and a small smile made its way to your lips. “Thank you, Corpse. That’s really sweet of you. I don’t like to show many people who I am because they will immediately connect me to Olivia, and I don’t want that.”

“I get that. I don’t show my face for fear they won’t like me when I do. All my fans have built up this expectation of what they want me to look like and now I just don’t want to let them down. Plus it’s nice being able to stay anonymous if I go into public, but of course people will hear my voice and know. Shit, it’s hard.”

“Awe, I’m sorry. I saw what the attention has done to some people, but I think not everyone goes into that headspace. Also, I think you should stay faceless if it makes you feel better. There is no rule that says you ever have to show your face. People who push you to do it have no boundaries.”

Corpse was quiet for a while and you thought you had offended him. “I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing, Corpse.” You squeaked.

“No, you said the right thing. I was just thinking. You’re right. A lot of people have been on me to reveal my face, but I never intend to. I want to be able to live my life without being swarmed by fans, or god forbid, them judging me by my appearance.”

“Which is really fucked. When I first appeared in my sister video, the comments were awful. They couldn’t understand how she was related to me, but I never thought I looked bad. But I guess they expected Olivia to be surrounded by people in her genre. It was so hard to see those comments.” Thinking back to it, Olivia had even added to it. Telling you that you should have tried to look more like her for the video. You should have worn something more colorful and put-on way more make up then you liked. But you hated that. That wasn’t you.

“I can’t imagine the things they said. Is that why you deactivated your twitter?” How did he know about that?

“Oh, yeah. How did you know about it?”

“I remembered seeing a story about it on YouTube last year. They didn’t show your face, so of course I didn’t know it was you. But I figured it out when Olivia joined the game tonight and she blabbered on about being your sister. I’m sorry you received that hate. No one deserves that ever.” His voice was calming you now.

“Thank you. Olivia seemed to add to it, as well. Fuck, she’s just the worst person.” Family definitely had the ability to be shitty. “Meeting Poki last year really was the best thing. But also joining this Among Us group has been so good for me. Thank you for accepting me.”

“Of course. You’re a natural in the game but you also fit very well with the group.” Corpse really hoped you believed him because this was true. The group had a whole conversation about it when Olivia finally left

“I’m flattered. The Corpse Husband is telling me I fit in with him and his streamer friends. Wake me up, I must be dreaming.” You knew his words were genuine because it was just easy to tell.

“You better believe it, baby, because it’s true.”

You stopped short when you heard him call you baby. Of course Corpse had used that word before but right now it felt more intimate.

Letting out a yawn you realized it was nearing 4 am. “I appreciate it.” You mumbled, feeling the events from the day seep in.

“You’re tired, aren’t you?” His deep voice was lulling you closer to sleep.

“No.” Another yawn broke through.

“You can’t lie to me, Y/n. Get some sleep and we will talk tomorrow.”

The words made you smile. “That sounds good, Corpsie. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, sweet girl.” Despite wanting to stay on the phone, you hung up. Sleep was quickly coming in to claim you. You can happily say you fell asleep with a huge smile on your face.

**

Waking up was easier than it had been in a long time. Normally you woke up to Olivia screaming at you or someone else. So it was nice to wake up to silence. It allowed you to relax and wake up properly.

Your phone buzzed from beside you. A text from Corpse is what you first saw, so you opened it.

Corpse

Good morning, sweet girl. I hope the night treated you well.

Sweet and to the point. His messages made you think he had a thing for you. Well you hoped he did but he also could just be treating you the way he treats friends.

Y/n

Yes, I slept well and for once I wasn’t awoken by my obnoxious sister.

It would he good not to live with her.

Corpse

I bet. Hey I hate to be the one to show you this, but your sister posted this on her instagram.

He then sent a link to the post. It made your blood boil.

::::

There was a picture of her, she was holding up a ripped picture of you. A huge frown was on her face.

oliviaxoxo It’s a shame when family starts to treat you like you weren’t the one to give them money when they needed it. This is my sister and she’s a bitch. For the last few years, she’s been the one editing my videos. Well I found out she was trying to sabotage me, so I had to fire her and kick her out. What a shame it is when family stabs you in the back. 🙃🙃

1,454,787 people like this

oliviafan23 Is this true? Damn, f*ck fake people.

queenolivia Sueeee herrrrr!

lovinliv Family ain’t shit. Spill her info so we can drag her.

sykkuwu Whoa, why are you spreading lies about your own family?

   |

queenolivia Why would you defend someone like that?

valkyrea You’re such a sad human for doing this. Stop lying.

pokimanelol Let’s see, none of this is true. Your sister has done so much for you and you’ve never appreciated it. Get some help for this.

corpse_husband This is sick. No wonder your name is always blasted everywhere. Do your sister a favor and stop talking about her.

    |

oliviaxoxo I don’t know why you’re defending my stupid sister, but that totally makes you not hot to me anymore. Ugh.

   |

valkyrea Uh, that’s what you got from this. Wow, you’re not worth this.

    |

corpse_husband What can you expect? The covid must have gone to her brain.    |

corpseandlivfan Whyyyyyyy Corpse, why would you stand up for her. Do you not realize how horrible Y/n is? Please tell me this is a joke!?!?

   |

 corpse_husband Well, she’s a good friend of mine and I won’t let people make up lies. So it’s not a joke.

::::::::

You were mad that she’d even say this shit publicly, but you should have known she would. She was nothing without her group of misguided followers.

Y/n

Can’t say I’m not surprised. This is so on brand for her. Thank you for sticking up for me. It means a lot.

Corpse

I would do it any day. She shouldn’t be able to get away with doing that to you.

Sadly, growing up, she did get away with doing the absolute worst shit and you always received the brunt of it.

Y/n

With any luck, she draws negative attention.

You clicked the link to view it again but instead were lead to a page that said the content was unavailable.

Y/n

I believe she just deleted the post.

Corpse

Oh, she did. That’s awesome.

It was. Olivia was never one to swallow her pride and admit any wrongdoings. That means she would never delete a problematic post, but she finally did

Y/n

I didn’t really read any other comments besides you and your friends and the top comments. I can’t imagine what her fans are really saying.

Olivia was completely okay with letting her fans attack people. It was seriously a huge mess. She fell into the category of YouTuber with the worst most entitled attitude.

Corpse

It’s good you didn’t read them, because they were horrible. I can’t believe she would let her fans do that.

Y/n

She’s done a lot of shady stuff. This is even before she blew up on YouTube. There is a lot of issues between us.

There was a lot that could be said about your relationship with Olivia and none of them were good. Forever it seemed, you had tried to make it work and hoped your sister would grow up and change but it never happened.

Corpse

I think she’s a vile human. From what I have seen and her complete lack of human decency, I just can’t help but feel she’s just not a good person and she never will be.

He was right. She would never change.

Y/n

You’re right. Hey, I have to go thank Poki for letting me stay but I also need to go back to that apartment to get the rest of my stuff. Can I call you when I get back?

Corpse

Yes, of course. Good luck heading over there.

Talking to him was pretty natural feeling. It was clear now that you were getting a massive crush on him. You had a crush on a man who’s face you’ve never seen. You couldn’t help it though, his personality just meshed so well with yours. He’d made you feel safe and wanted.

After getting dressed, you found Poki in the kitchen making breakfast. She sent you a sweet smile when you entered the room.

“Thank you for standing up for me against my sister on Instagram.” You were truly honored this group of friends liked you enough to do something like this.

“You’re welcome. I couldn’t just let her say that and get away with it. She’s done a lot to you, that you don’t deserve. Corpse messaged all of us the minute he found it and we all jumped into action. Sean and Felix were getting ready to comment when she deleted it.” She explained as she set a plate in front of you.

“I’m so honored. Thank you!”

“Of course, you’re one of us now and we will never let her get away with this stuff anymore.”

You could just cry with how loved they were making you feel. This is what had been missing in your life. Friends who genuinely cared about you and wanted to protect you from the nasty stuff Olivia was capable of doing.

“Would you come with me to the apartment to get the rest of my stuff?” You asked once the two of you finished eating.

Poki nodded. “Of course I will. You shouldn’t have to go alone.”

**

An hour later, you exited the elevator on the floor where you once resided. Your sister wasn’t home, which would be good but there was a chance she could return while you were packing. But you would deal with that when it came down to it. The two of you quickly got to work, packing your life up into the boxes you’d brought with you. Luckily, you weren’t one to collect a ton of stuff. You mainly just had to make sure your clothes and makeup were packed up.          

You and Poki would fill boxes and pile them by there door, then you would take them down to the car when you acquired a good amount. In the end, you figured you would fill maybe 10 boxes which is actually not too many considering you’ve lived in that apartment for five years.

Poki had left to go take two more boxes to the car while you finished up packing up your last few items. The front door closed, and you assumed it was Poki, but it wasn’t.

“Oh look who’s here? My lovely sister.” Olivia’s voice was flat and emotionless.

You rolled your eyes and turned to find her standing in the doorway, glaring at you. “Hello, Olivia. I’m just packing my stuff and then I’m leaving.”

“Who said you were allowed to come back here?” She grumbled, eyeing the boxes.

“Well, this is my stuff and I have every right to come pick it up.”

“If it’s in my apartment, it clearly belongs to me.” She snarled.

You snapped. “Cut it out, Olivia. This was my apartment too, until you kicked me out last night. You can’t just claim my stuff as your because you’re salty about me having friends.” She was a spoiled brat, and you were done letting her get away with it.

“I’m not the salty one. Everyone can see it’s you.” God she was so annoying. You taped up the last box and turned to her. She held her phone in her hand. “Everyone say hi to my sister. You know, the one I posted about earlier before someone reported my post.”

“Are you live?” You asked, keeping your face expressionless. Olivia would do this.

“I bet some of you remember the few videos I did with her. Well of course that was before she turned against me and decided she was going to try and ruin me. Say hi, Y/n.” A sick smile played on her face.

“I never consented to being in your live, Olivia. Please stop.” You tried to keep your voice calm so that she wouldn’t have any way to make you look like the bad person. But regardless, she was already doing it.

Olivia cackled. “Well I think I’m free to do as I please in my apartment.” You could only imagine what her fans were saying. “You’re right, Andrea, she is an idiot, and I should have her arrested.” She spoke aloud making your blood boil.

“You’re so immature, Olivia.” You grumbled before grabbing the last couple boxes and moving towards the door. Olivia decided to swat the boxes out of your hand, and they fell tumbling to the ground. “What the hell, Olivia. I could have fragile stuff in there.” You growled at her.

Olivia was just laughing. “This is funny. What else should I do, guys?” She asked as she panned the phone around the room.

Her immaturity was giving you a headache. Poki walked in and saw Olivia.

“Oh hey guys, look who’s here. Pokimane.” She panned the camera to Poki who frowned. Olivia just laughed and started talking shit until she was cut off by the stream just ending. “What the hell.”

You gathered the last few boxes, and Poki came to help while Olivia attempted to start another live.

“What the fuck, it won’t let me go live.” She growled while stomping her foot like a child.

“That’s what happens when an influx of people report your live.” Poki spoke as you both had gathered the boxes.

Olivia was frowning. “What did you do, Y/n.” She wanted to pounce at her, but Y/n and Poki were already at the door.

“Y/n did nothing, but I got word of your little livestream and contacted some friends for help. It will be at least 24 hours before you can have another live. But with the amount of people who reported you, well you may be banned for a while.” With that, you and Poki left Olivia standing there is absolute shock.

You and Poki put the last boxes in the car. “Thank you, Poki. How did you get so many people to report it?”

“Well it was actually Corpse. He texted me and informed me that she was doing a live and bothering you. He had his fans go report it, but apparently Sykkuno and Rae also sent their fans. I was going to send mine, but they had it handled. So this was all Corpse.” She explained.

Hearing this made you feel so soft for Corpse. “Awe wow. That’s so sweet of him.”

The two of you entered the car. “Y/n, can I tell you something without you telling him I told you?”

You looked over at her. “Yes, sure.” Your heart rate kind of picked up.

“Well the other day, Corpse admitted he has feelings for you, but he wasn’t completely sure if you felt the same way for him. But I mean I can clearly see you do. Your whole face just lit up when I mentioned him. So do you?”

Heat filled your face and you suddenly felt shy. “I do, yes. Which is ridiculous because I just met the guy, and I don’t even know what he looks like. But gosh, I like him so much. When I talk to him, I feel happy. He’s been so good to me through this crap with Olivia.” You admitted, knowing she already knew.

Poki smiled and squealed in complete happiness. “You two are just the most adorable people! It’s not ridiculous. We pretty much knew from the first time you joined us, that Corpse was into you. But oh my god, you’re into him. You need to tell him!!!!”

You agreed, Corpse deserved to know. “I do. But how? It’s been a really long time since I’ve told someone I liked them. Shit, I feel like I’m in high school again!”

This made Poki giggle. “Calm down, Y/n. I have a plan. Let’s get back to the apartment and we will talk about this. Rae also wants to be involved in this.”

Back at her apartment, you had jumped onto a call with Rae and the three of you talked about what your plan was for you to tell Corpse what you felt for him. Rae and Poki decided to organize an Among Us game strictly for fun and no one would stream, they would also use Proximity chat.

“So we will get him to follow you around until one of us is imposter, then we will lock you into wherever you end up. Do it then” Rae explained sounding so excited.

“Okay, that can work. Let’s do this!” You were nervous but also excited to finally do something good for yourself.

You and Poki set up for the gane and Corpse sent you a text.

Corpse

Are you joining the game tonight?

Seeing a text from him, made you feel giddy.

Y/n

Yep I am. So I will see you in game?

Corpse

Yes you will, angel.

Cue the insane butterflies.

**

The lobby loaded and it was you, Corpse, Poki, Rae, Sykkuno, Karl, Tina, Sean, Toast, and Leslie. All streamers you had grown to like a lot in the time you have been playing with them.

“Y/n, I am so happy you’re playing with us!” Tina gushed as her little character ran around yours.

“I’m happy to be here.” You really were.

“You’re sister is a piece of work, Y/n.” Sykkuno said.

You giggled. “Don’t I know it.”

“What did she do this time?” Sean asked.

“Decided to film a live when we went to get Y/n’s stuff from the apartment.” Poki explained.

“Oh, that’s gross.” Karl commented.

“I have to thank Corpse for helping.” You stated to the group.

“Yeah Corpse was quick to text us.” Sykkuno added.

“You’re welcome, Y/n. I wasn’t going to let her get away with what she was doing. Truth is, I got a bunch of fan DMs that were telling me what Olivia was doing. So a lot of my fans were already reporting it, but the tweet helped.” Corpse’s deep voice soothed you.

“I appreciate it so much. She was just being an immature brat as always.”

The group laughed before deciding to start the game. Poki and Rae agreed to text you when either of them were imposter. Now it was a matter of getting Corpse to follow you.

The group was on the Polus map, which seemed to be a favorite for everyone.

Rae

We should lock them in weapons.

Rae had texted you and Poki through the group text.

Poki

That’s the best place for them.

Y/n

Okay but I still have to get him to follow me.

Rae

He will. Just wait, I have a plan.

You trusted Rae and Poki to help you. Now it was time to admit it all to Corpse and hope he genuinely liked you back.

Y/n

Let’s do this!

PART THREE  >>